Tom Zuba

Tom Zuba believes that loss cracks us open, giving us the opportunity to consciously participate in the transformation that awaits us. Tom’s 18-month-old daughter Erin died suddenly in 1990. His 43-year-old wife Trici died equally as suddenly on New Year’s Day 1999 and his 13-year-old son Rory died from brain cancer in 2005. Tom and his teenage son Sean are learning to live a full, joy-filled life, one day at a time. He is an author, inspirational speaker, and workshop facilitator who appeared in April 1999 with best selling author Gary Zukav on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Tom appeared on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” talking about “What Do I Do Now; Dealing with Multiple Loss.” To hear Tom being interviewed, go to the following link: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/26528/what-do-i-do-now-dealing-with-multiple-losses

Articles:

At Thanksgiving, Say Their Names

This article was first published on Open to Hope in 2010. Thursday will be the 21st Thanksgiving I’ve lived through following the death of my 18-month-old daughter Erin in 1990. The 12th since my wife Trici died in 1999 and the 6th since my 13-year-old son Rory died in 2005. One thing I know for sure is that I can’t expect anyone to mention the name(s) of the people I love who have died. Expecting someone to say their names only brings me disappointment and pain because there is a good chance that the day will pass with no one […]

The Halloween Graveyard

The other day, while mindlessly driving down a narrow, fall-colored, leaf-filled neighborhood street, I noticed that Halloween decorations were beginning to appear. Pumpkins. Ghosts. Witches. And then the graveyard. I slowed down to take it all in. The Halloween graveyard. This particular family had elaborately constructed a very real-looking cemetery complete with a spider-webbed decorated iron fence, an ominous looking entry gate and more tombstones than I cared to count. I smiled a little and shook my head. Innocent and ignorant I’ve come to call them. Twenty years ago my response was different. Twenty years ago, my wife and I […]

Remembering ‘The Last Lecture’ co-author Jeff Zaslow

“Best selling author, Jeffrey Zaslow, who wrote best-sellers such as The Last Lecture about a professor dying of pancreatic cancer and a recent book on U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords’ recovery was killed February 10th in a car accident. Mr. Zaslow, 53, is survived by his wife and three daughters.” Soon after our daughter Erin was born in 1998, my wife, Patricia Brennan Zuba, left her media relations position with United Charities and launched Bish Communications, her Oak Park-based public relations firm,. To serve her clients well, Trici inhaled all things Chicago-media. Jeff Zaslow was Chicago media. Together, Trici and I […]

Remembering Whitney Houston

And I will always love you. I will always love you. My first introduction to the song was in 1974, way before SHE recorded it for “The Bodyguard.” I am a longtime fan of Dolly Parton’s. I’ve loved that song for a long time! News of her death crept up on me this morning. An article in my morning paper, but no screaming headline telling me she had died. The story unfolded. Stunned, I googled the YouTube video of the Biggest Song of so many of her big, big songs. I can’t help but wonder … if we put aside […]

Death Cracks Us Open

By Tom Zuba — I believe that the death of someone we love cracks us open. I believe it’s supposed to. Death shatters us. It breaks us into a million tiny pieces. And as the minutes turn to hours, and the hours turn to days, the days to weeks, the weeks to months, and somehow, someway, the months to years, we slowly hunt for the shattered pieces of our self. Some of the found pieces we reclaim realizing, with relief and amazement, that they still fit. We need them. Try as we may, though, at times with much sadness and […]

Creating a Grief-Recovery Plan for the New Year

By Tom Zuba —

Grieving Baby 35 Years Later

Tammy writes in: My friend who is 52 is grieving over a baby she lost when she was 17. She has?two other children- adults now. But she is suddenly feeling this loss feeling like she was supposed to have three children. Is it possible to grieve this far from the death?

Tom Zuba, author, inspirational speaker, and workshop facilitator,?responds: Yes, it is possible to grieve many years after a death has occurred.?

It’s OK to Laugh… and Other Hints for the Holidays

By Tom Zuba — My 18-month-old daughter Erin died suddenly on July 18, 1990. Had she lived, we’d be preparing for her 20th birthday this January 2. Even though I had grown up aware that children do die – my own baby brother Danny died when I was just 6 years old – nothing prepared me for my daughter’s death. I was ill-equipped and ill-prepared as were most, if not all, of the people in my circle. That first holiday season, and the next, and even the next were difficult for my wife and me. I wish someone had handed […]

Helping Others to Help Us During the Holidays

At the time in our life when we need people the most – following the death of someone we love – most of us feel abandoned. When people should be rushing in to hold us, support us, accompany us, and love us, most run in the opposite direction or at best are paralyzed, not certain what to do. Most want to help. They simply don’t know how. I sugggest that you copy the list below and give it, with love, to the people who love you. Ten Things You Can Do to Help Make This Holiday Season More Bearable for […]