Question from Marie: My son Daniel went into the light and passed away from SIDS on Nov 16, 2008. He was a precious baby, smiled all the time, and is loved so much by his family. We do not understand why he is gone physically; it just seems surreal, we are still in shock, and his big sister is doing well with it. When I found him it was too late. We tried everything to save him. Even though his life was short lived, he was supposed to be here. We chose me to be his mother, and even though he has passed it was the biggest gift just to have him in my life for the 2 1/2 months. He was 14 pounds and perfect. I just don’t understand; this is my biggest struggle. We love you, Daniel. If anyone out their knows of hospice support groups for parents who have lost children, please let me know, because I need a little help understanding grief. We get through the days but a part of me is broken. I was his mother, his main caregiver. And I miss him so much. Rest in peace, Daniel, and I know your seeing beautiful things. Remember to sing and dance, until we see you again.
From Sandy Fox, author and blogger for www.opentohopedeathofachild.com: I am so sorry for your loss. It takes a long time to go through the grief journey, but there are many places that can help you. Two of the best sources are Compassionate Friends (www.compassionatefriends.org) and www.bereavedparentsusa.org. If Daniel was an only child, you can get information on www.alivealone.org; it is for parents who have lost their only child or all their children. If you want to call and talk to someone, the phone numbers are listed on the sites.
Compassionate Friends has over 600 chapters, so hopefully a chapter is near you and you can attend their meetings, where you will meet parents like yourself and find comfort knowing they understand what you are going through. Bereaved Parents USA does not have as many groups, but a chapter may also be close to where you live. Both have yearly conferences.
My daughter died almost 15 years ago, and I still enjoy going to these national conferences and meeting parents from all over. Alive Alone does not have chapters?but puts out a newsletter 4-6 times a year and tries to have a national conference every other year. I have been in charge of the last two, which were held in Arizona. The next one will probably be in the midwest or on the east coast.
As for Hospice, use Google and plug in Hospice and your city and state, and it will list locations and phone numbers for you. Hospice is for more general grief while these three groups I’ve mentioned are specifically for loss of a child. You might also want to contact the nearest hospital or religious institution. Many times they also have grief groups that meet, but again, they are more general.
My last suggestion is to read as many books as possible on the subject of child grief. I found that to be my biggest help. You will see how others cope and move on with their lives, and it will give you hope for the future. Do not be afraid to try anything that might help. I wish you only the best as you travel through your grief journey.
Sandy Fox is the author of I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye. The book tells the stories of 25 sets of parents and how they moved on with their lives after the death of their child offering hope and survival techniques. Her web site is www.sandyfoxauthor.com for additional book information, and her blog site for information, thoughts and personal stories on surviving grief is www.survivinggrief.blogspot.com.
