Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide
For many people, the suicide of a loved one raises agonizing spiritual or existential issues. These include many questions such as
- Why does suicide happen?
- I’ve tried to be a good person, so how could God let this happen to me?
- Is suicide a sin?
- Is my loved one in hell?
- What happens to a person after death?
- Will I ever see my loved one again?
- What good is my religion to me now?
- Who am I now?
- What is the purpose of my life?
- Why should I go on living?
Suicide Challenges What We Believe
These are difficult questions that you may never have thought much about before suicide came into your life. Or perhaps you have simply accepted what your religion has taught you about the answers. But now these questions may have become painful, confusing, and all too real concerns – issues that have a deeply personal meaning for you. If you have no spiritual beliefs, a few of the questions on the list may still apply.
It is not our place to offer you simple theological or philosophical answers for these questions. We can tell you, however, that the questions are quite common among suicide survivors. Suicide challenges our “assumptive world” – a term that mental health professionals use to describe all of the beliefs and assumptions that an individual has been taking for granted about themselves, other people, and their life.
The suicide of your loved one may have brought all of the things that you felt certain about in your life into question, and you are now not sure of what you believe.
Seek Compassionate Listeners
It helps to know that these questions are common in survivors. It also helps to talk them over with a person who can listen to your struggles without judging you—someone who is not too quick to provide “easy answers.”
A clergy person or a friend who can listen without having to dictate to you what you should believe may be of tremendous help. Such a person may also help you reflect on the “position” of your church or your philosophy of life on the difficult issue of suicide. In addition, talking and listening to other survivors who have struggled with the same issues, or reading books that survivors have written about these issues (see our Suggested Readings for Survivors at the end of this book), can also be valuable.
Please give yourself permission to be uncertain for a while, as you try to find the answers that seem right for you. And know that most survivors are able to restore their spiritual and moral beliefs with time, effort, and compassionate support from others.
Excerpted from After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief: Bob Baugher, Jack Jordan: 9780963597557: Amazon.com: Books
Learn more about Bob Baugher at www.bobbaugher.com.
Read more from Bob on Open to Hope: Feeling Guilty after a Suicide – Open to Hope
