There’s a time when you have to say goodbye, and a time when you choose to say goodbye.
For the first time, I chose to say goodbye to my friend Curtis today.
I had to say goodbye when he was ripped away from me in a car accident thirty years ago. And all this time I’ve been resenting that accident.
But recently the song, “Freebird”* by Lynryd Skynyrd has kept echoing in my head. If I heard it on the radio, I would listen for its entirety. I would pull off the road to listen to it. I couldn’t get that song out of my mind.
I had heard it at so many high school dances in the 70’s. It was a classic.
Today I wanted to hear that song. I listened to it over and over on YouTube. I let the song sink in and I cried for a long time. And my heart changed. I needed to hear the words and more important, I needed to feel them.
“If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
‘Cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you cannot change.
Oh… oh… oh… oh…
And the bird you cannot change.
And this bird you cannot change.
Lord knows I can’t change.
Bye, bye, baby it’s been a sweet love,
Though this feeling I can’t change.
But please don’t take it so badly,
‘Cause Lord knows I’m to blame.
But if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you cannot change.
Oh… oh… oh… oh…
And the bird you cannot change.
And this bird you cannot change.
Lord knows, I can’t change.
Lord help me, I can’t change.
Lord I can’t change,
Won’t you fly high, free bird, yeah.
I always thought I was the free bird because I’m the fiercely independent one. But today I realized that Curtis was the free bird, and that’s why I love this song so much. It’s imprinted on my mind, like the news of his death and my turmoil after his loss.
Yet, what if he said to me, “If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me? For I must be traveling on, now, cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see”?
And what if he‘s saying in that song, “Bye, bye, baby it’s been a sweet love…though this feeling I can’t change. ‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change.”
I can respect that. I can love him for that. I can thank him for that.
And now I can let him go. On to his travels, and his places to see.
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now. And this bird you cannot change.
We were together for a little while and forever.
I can be a free bird.
*Song by Ronald W. Van Zant and Allen Collins.
Anne Hamilton 2012