Coming Full Circle: A Letter from Daughter to a Mother Who Died Young

Ina Wexler Fleisig

Ina, my mother, died 13 months after I was born. For most of my life, I felt like a “motherless child.” She became a ghost-like fantasy to me, which is probably why I liked fairytales so much as a kid. Maybe I was wishing for a happy ending.

My father remarried when I was four (not a fairytale ending by any means) and the stories and pictures of my mother were buried in the vault of the past. Because Ina did not have an extended family, she got lost in the ether. It felt to me that the only evidence of her being here on this earth was the existence of my two older brothers and myself. I wondered about this woman who gave birth to me, and questioned whether I would have turned out differently if she had lived. Loss became the prevailing theme in telling my life story.

After experiencing the loss of my husband and gaining a new perspective on death, I have come to understand that I did get to be with and know my mother during that nine-month gestation period in her womb. Ina left a loving imprint on me, providing the fertile ground that has nurtured my spirit and helped grow me into the person I am today.

The vision I have always “seen” of my mother’s hands gently protecting and guiding me throughout my life, and this ephiphany, has shifted me. I have come “full circle” to a place of belief and love for what time we had together. Laurel

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COMING FULL CIRCLE – a letter from a daughter to her mother

When I picked you from afar, I knew that you would gift me with life. With intention and purpose, I floated into your womb… absorbing your molecules and making them mine.

While tethered to you, I was cared for and fearless as you willingly provided nourishment, safety and unconditional love. I was enveloped by the sounds in the depths of your belly, and your heart and mine beat together in a life-forming synchronistic rhythm. Within the sanctuary of your womb, I grew from a seedling into a tiny being … swimming, kicking and moving about unabashedly.

The nine months I spent inside your belly strengthened and prepared me for what was to come in the “outside world.” As the time of gestation was coming to an end, I tried to hold on, to resist the next part of my journey ~ I must have a known that our time together on earth would be cut short.

Nonetheless, you pushed me forward. Your body urged me to move into the world, like an ocean wave crashing towards the shore. As I gulped in my first breathe of air and cried out, you breathed a sigh of relief, knowing with certainty that I would survive.

And then, as a sign of your eternal love, you bestowed upon me the unique and beautiful name to which I answer. I am and always will be your Laurel Diane.

In the afternoon of my life, I have come to appreciate and be grateful for the the bonds that were built during those first nine months we spent together. Although you had only one precious year left on earth to be with me, your loving imprint is permanently affixed to my heart.

Laurel Diane Rund- 9/2013

Tags: author Laurel D. Rund, childhood loss, chosing our parents, Essence of Laurel, loss of a mother, loss of a mother as a child, motherless child

Laurel D. Rund

It began in 2009 when a life-changing event transformed me into the woman I am today. Never could I have imagined that the death of my husband of 42 years would take me on a journey through loss and grief to a redefined sense of self. Death, an unexpected teacher, was my transformative metamorphosis. The slow and painful healing process unfolded my creativity and, in what I can only describe as a “new normal,” Essence of Laurel was born. "Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." Khalil Gibran My first book, “Emerging Voices” has a purpose ~ to serve as a journal and healing catalyst for anyone who has experienced a loss. The art and poetry within is a testimony as to what can happen when we acknowledge grief in all its forms. It allows for the discovery of a new perspective which will lead you on a journey of self-discovery and renewal. “Art from the Heart” has become my playground; a place where I can tap into my innermost creativity as an inspirational writer and artist. The surprise is that it came at a time when I thought that the next chapters in my life would be lonely; without purpose or passion. Instead I have been given the gift of a renewed sense of life, its possibilities and most importantly, an appreciation for living in the present moment. Our human experience, whether in a crisis or a life transition, continuously gives us the opportunity to learn and grow. We can choose to stay in a place of sorrow and regret, or embrace these life-altering experiences from which we can discover a new way of being. My hope is that my writing and ‘Art from the Heart’ touches and inspires you.