Create a New Vision after Loss
It’s early in the new year, and social media is flooded with posts about resolutions and plans for self-improvement. However, for those who have faced a significant loss, the new year often brings a heavy reminder of loved ones who are no longer with us. It can feel as though the future holds little promise for those who are grieving. It’s important to create a new vision after loss.
After losing my son, Josh, when he was 20 years old, I struggled to find joy in a new year, or really about anything in my life. The thought of holidays and birthdays without him filled me with dread. My future had vanished, leaving me staring at a blank slate. How could I begin to imagine a new life without my child? It was necessary for me to take small steps aimed at looking ahead.
Creating a New Vision is Intentional
Planning for the future, or feeling excited about it, doesn’t come easily after loss. It’s necessary to be intentional.
In the support group I lead, we do a writing exercise that encourages us to think about things that feel impossible right now.
Here are the instructions. All you need is a journal and something to write with.
- Empty your mind
First, clear your mind. Write for 10 minutes about what your grief is telling you in this moment. What thoughts are going through your mind right now?
- Write about what your grief is not saying to you
In other words, what are you not thinking about? It’s difficult to think about doing the things we used to do with our loved ones, like taking a trip or moving forward with life in any way. This exercise helps bring those thoughts up to the surface so that you can consider taking a step forward.
- Make a list
List a few things that you may want to do at some point this year. You could try something creative like painting or crocheting. Volunteering is another great option. You might consider picking up a hobby you used to enjoy; list trips your loved one wanted to take and plan to go there and spread their ashes or paint a stone to leave at that location.
Why Envisioning the Future is Important
It encourages us to consider new possibilities. What seems impossible today might change in the future. In his Making Meaning Workbook, David Kessler recommends writing postcards to our future selves, which inspired my journal prompt. This exercise helps us look ahead and question our belief that we will “never” do certain things. As he puts it, “never” doesn’t have to mean forever; it can simply mean “not now.” So I urge those who are grieving to think about what might be possible, even if it seems unattainable at the moment.
Read more by Nalda at https://substack.com/@livingagainafterchildloss
Read more by Nalda on Open to Hope: Tools to Ease ‘Catastrophizing’ – Open to Hope
