Managing Holiday Grief

    Managing Holiday Grief It was Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, the first Thanksgiving without my brother, just months after a drunk driver had ended his life. I needed to get some shopping done and I found myself at a mall. The instant I stepped inside, I was enveloped in holiday atmosphere. Everything shone and glittered, music rang out, scents of pine and cinnamon candles mingled with the smell of perfumes being sprayed on shoppers in the department stores. Delight hung in…

    Death of a Sister: ‘Part of My Soul Has Left Me’

    Death of a Sister I walk to your grave alone, in the cold demise of Fall.  It seems so much colder here without the comfort of knowing that you will be here to protect me in this life as you have so well.  The sky is white and endless.  The sun has been cloaked by the cryptic fog.  The leafless trees sway back and forth with the algid wind.  The ground is damp and dreary.  The world never seemed to…

    Alone with the Memories: When Your Only Sibling Dies

    Halloween When I was 9 and my sister was 12, we made the bold decision to craft The Haunted House of All Ages in our 250-square-foot living room and the 10-x-3.5-foot hallway that ran down the center of our second floor flat. It would be just for our own enjoyment: for us to build, experience and deconstruct in the sweet solace of flat and of our sisterhood. And we were democratic about the whole affair: She would adorn the front…

    Re-imagining Hope After Trauma

    Re-imagining Hope The silent voice of trauma lies idle in the body. Years of dormancy may be followed by its unexpected impact, often on the precipice of healing.  As I fought for justice in my brother’s unsolved homicide, I knew I was losing my life. Over nineteen years, that awareness never became clearer to me than the moment I learned I had breast cancer.  My fight for justice, which ushered in the decline of my health, also initiated a creative…

    Grief Can Surface Any Time

    Grief Can Surface Any Time Denial of grief is common and misunderstood. Grief can wait in the wings for a time to surface, when you are better prepared to absorb its lessons. It can be triggered by other losses. Left undone, grief can wreak havoc with your ability to enjoy life and feel positive emotions. Grief has no time frame. It can be postponed, but never put away. My identical twin sister Paula Pountney died unexpectedly as her small plane…

    Loss of a Twin has Huge Impact

    Loss of a Twin has Huge Impact The unthinkable can happen. One of your twins or triplets could vanish from your life. During a period of deep grief, how would you console each other and provide support for your surviving twin or triplet? By addressing this uncomfortable subject, a dual purpose will be served. There is a remarkable connection between twins and other multiples. The link that binds twins together from before birth is crucial to understanding what happens when…

    How Does Twin Honor the Sister Who Died?

    How Does Twin Honor the Sister Who Died? Gladys writes in: I just lost my twin sister three months ago to something we now know as Long QT syndrome. She was perfectly healthy and woke to check on her crying baby one morning and fell unconscious and never gained consciousness again. Our 30th birthday is this Sunday and I am wanting to do something special. Honestly, I wish that I could skip this birthday altogether. Do you have any ideas…

    The Gift of Becoming a Grandmother

    The Gift of Becoming a Grandmother In June, my youngest grandchild, Madelyn, named for my beloved sister Margie, turned one. Our family gathered to celebrated Madelyn’s first birthday. I am grateful to be “Nini” to three grandchildren–Benji, named for my father will be five in July, and Jake is eighteen months, and Madelyn, one. As I sat in the enclosed playpen area with Madelyn, Benji and Jake beaming watching the new innocent lives, broad smiles, the unconditional love. The seesaw…

    Space to Heal: Finding Meaning after Loss

    Coping with the death of my twin has been an incredibly challenging and personal experience. Finding meaning and purpose in the aftermath has and continues to be a deeply personal journey. My writing helps. I offer these suggestions for individuals as they navigate their own loss. Give yourself space to heal It is important to give yourself permission to grieve in your way and at your own pace. By allowing yourself the space to heal, you can gradually find meaning…

    When Grief Causes Mental Health Problems

    Grief support and mental health are deeply interconnected aspects of wellbeing. Grief is a natural response to loss, whether it's the death of losing someone close, the end of a relationship, or any significant change or loss in one's life. It is essential to recognise that there is no right or wrong to grieve and that grieving is a highly individual process. It is different for each of us. Prolonged or Intense Grief Prolonged or intense grief can impact mental…