Adult Sibling Loss: Interview with Dr. Brenda Marshall

    At the annual ADEC (Association of Death Education and Counseling), I spoke with Dr. Brenda Marshall about adult sibling loss. Brenda got into this field when her younger brother Brent died eight years ago. It was then that she realized there's not very much support for siblings. That realization called on her to ask the question "Why?" and "What can I do about it?" I asked Brenda why she thinks people don't understand how significant a sibling loss is. Hear…

    My Sister Died and I Waited 16 Years to Deal With It

    I never expected to make a documentary film about my family. I didn’t think of myself as someone who had a story to tell. My sister had died when I was ten years old and by that time her illness seemed pretty normal to me. Aimee was diagnosed with leukemia when I was two years old, so I grew up always knowing my older sister was sick. One of my earliest memories is playing with the toys in the hospital…

    Ministry of Bereavement: Interview with Ronald Ritter

    Today, we had the privilege to interview Ron Ritter about a very basic tool that will assist people of faith to minister intelligently and effectively to those who grieve. The turning point for Ritter was when the shackles of clinical depression were removed five years after his son Steve's death when he could focus his full energies into the ministry of bereavement. Here is the full interview: Ron Ritter was born the 7 September 1938. Born and Raised in Baltimore,…

    When the Mirror Breaks

    “Siblings are the only relatives, and perhaps the only people you’ll ever know, who are with you through the entire arc of your life…Your parents leave you too soon and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form.”  - writer Jeffrey Kluger observed to Salon in 2011, the year his book “The Sibling Effect” was published. My brother Andy was more than a sibling, he was my twin.  We weren’t…

    When the Mirror Breaks: Loss of a Close Sibling

    “Siblings are the only relatives, and perhaps the only people you’ll ever know, who are with you through the entire arc of your life…Your parents leave you too soon and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form.” - writer Jeffrey Kluger observed to Salon in 2011, the year his book “The Sibling Effect” was published. My brother Andy was more than a sibling, he was my twin.…

    The Basics of Sibling-Loss

    I would like to take some time to focus on parents who have lost a child and have other living children. I plan to talk about the sibling survivor experience to give you an idea of what they are going through. I would like to start by talking about their grief. While I was attending The Compassionate Friend’s National Conference and the Bereaved Parents of the USA gathering this past July, the question I heard most was, “Are my children…

    Sister Unloads Grief Years After Brother’s Suicide

    I was a sweet, blue-eyed seven-year-old girl watching The Parent Trap while my big brother was babysitting. He got me a cup of water after asking if there was anything I needed. Little did I know my answer should have been, “I need my big brother.” Only minutes later I heard a heart-stopping, deafening boom. I sat there, frozen. What was that? My blonde hair on the back of my neck was standing up, and my ears were ringing. The…

    A Haunting Disturbance: A Poem

    Maybe I’ll always be tortured by loud noises The sudden silence after it echoes through the trees Maybe my skin will always develop goosebumps As I hear the little girl inside of me Soundlessly scream—no, no more—please. The emptiness that is momentarily formed in my heart Soon fills with dread From the conclusion of the beginning That plays like a horror movie inside my pounding head. Maybe my muscles will always tense When I hear a noise similar to what…

    Poem: Eleven Years

    Eleven Years My love for you is unconditional However, so is my anger And I have waited eleven years For this devastation to be over But it has only just begun: The torture that makes me want to scream— And I just want to run away From this awfully dreadful scheme. Oh, how badly I wish you could redeem yourself And I’m sorry, but you took that chance away And whatever path you decided to take, You left me here…

    Dressing a Sister for the Afterlife

    Below is an excerpt from With and Without Her: A Memoir of Being and Losing a Twin. My identical twin sister, a psychologist, has died in Lowell, Massachusetts, from a head wound inflicted by a former patient. We have brought her home to Philadelphia, where my mother and I go to the funeral home to help prepare her body. We go to the funeral home, a Victorian house converted for the dead. My mother and I meet with the cosmetologist…