Twin who Died in the Womb Became Guardian Angel

    Last fall, I gave my writing students a very powerful exercise taken from the work of Deena Metzger. The basic premise was to choose a traumatic incident from our past—one that changed the course of our lives for the worse—a moment when we felt betrayed or abandoned or alone, a moment when an essential part of ourselves went underground. We began by writing the story of that event. The next week, we rewrote it—this time creating a fictional version of…

    Father’s Day After the Death of a Brother

    “You know that story, Finding Nemo?” my 4-year-old nephew asked.  “That’s a story with a happy ending because he gets to find his daddy.”   It was six days since my brother, my nephew's father, had died and oh, how my heart broke hearing this simple observation. This will be our 5th Father’s Day without my brother.  On the first one, we planted a tree in his memory.  My nephew, then 5, held up the card he’d made for his dad,…

    What To Do With a Loved One’s Possessions?

    What to do with your loved one's possessions? Less than two months after my sister’s murder, her 24-year-old daughter (my niece) called and asked for my help.   My sister owned her home and the insurance company would pay for a total restoration; however, everything had to be removed from the home before the restoration could begin. When my niece was talking to me about this, I realized I was holding my breath.  My sister was murdered in her home and…

    Snow and Sibling-Loss

    Snow fell from the cold winter skies when my beloved sister was buried.  Miniature, delicate snowflakes seemed so out of place in the cemetery filled with grief, tears and darkness.  I stared into the sky, away from the casket, and became completely captivated by the gorgeous snowfall.  I needed something to distract my mind, even if only slightly.  Everyone who surrounded me -- my best friends, my family -- I loved them more than anything.  Watching them all break into…

    Heaven Bound

    Heaven Bound   Year after year On your special day Mother’s Day I brought you flowers Gave you a hug and kiss Reminded you how special you were.   Every one of those years I knew you were grateful For my gifts and my love Yet, a sadness remained In your beautiful blue eyes It remained throughout the years.   I remember that dark day When we were told that Your only son, my only brother Was killed in war…

    Woman Finds it Hard to Trust after Sister’s Murder

    “A normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.” My psychologist spoke those words to me so often in the months following my sister's murder. Choosing to seek the help of psychologist was one of the most important decisions I made.  I discussed so many emotions and feelings with her.  Emotions and feelings I would have most likely kept bottled up inside had I not made that first appointment with her. Of all the issues I discussed with her,  trust seemed…

    Releasing Anger While Dealing with Loss

    As most of us know, there are certain things that trigger our emotions while on this journey of grief.  I think it’s safe to say that we all understand there are different stages of grief, different emotions and feelings also. Many people experience anger while grieving. Anger at the deceased, anger at God, anger at the situation, just plain anger. After my sister was murdered, just under 18 months ago, I experienced anger. I still experience it.  I was angry…

    For Family of Murder Victim, Wheels of Justice Turn Slowly

    My sister was murdered on September 17, 2009. Six months and 5 days later, on March 23, 2010, an arrest was made.  It will soon be 18 months since her death. It will soon be 12 months since the arrest was made.  I’ve been told that the court process will be slow. It will take time.  I’ve learned what I have been told is true. I’ve also learned that waiting is a true test of my patience. The initial trial…

    Choose to Let Go of Grief and Pain

    Wild-eyed, I stared at the reflection in the mirror.  I no longer recognised myself.  My eyes were haunted by the pain and suffering not only of my brother's death but of all the other losses I'd experienced throughout my life. My once long red hair was gone, hacked off in a fit of fury as I tried to rid myself of the wild emotions coursing throughout my very being.  All that remained was a bald scalp. My vision blurred, a…

    When Living in Grief, ‘Keep Walking’

    Within two weeks after my sister's death, I knew, as did my husband, that I was not in a good place. I felt like I was walking around the edge of a big black hole. One missed step and I would fall into that hole.  My husband gently suggested I go see my doctor. I heeded his advice and saw my doctor the very next day. She put me on an anti-depressant and set up my first appointment with a…