Woman Finds it Hard to Trust after Sister’s Murder

    “A normal reaction to a very abnormal situation.” My psychologist spoke those words to me so often in the months following my sister's murder. Choosing to seek the help of psychologist was one of the most important decisions I made.  I discussed so many emotions and feelings with her.  Emotions and feelings I would have most likely kept bottled up inside had I not made that first appointment with her. Of all the issues I discussed with her,  trust seemed…

    Releasing Anger While Dealing with Loss

    As most of us know, there are certain things that trigger our emotions while on this journey of grief.  I think it’s safe to say that we all understand there are different stages of grief, different emotions and feelings also. Many people experience anger while grieving. Anger at the deceased, anger at God, anger at the situation, just plain anger. After my sister was murdered, just under 18 months ago, I experienced anger. I still experience it.  I was angry…

    For Family of Murder Victim, Wheels of Justice Turn Slowly

    My sister was murdered on September 17, 2009. Six months and 5 days later, on March 23, 2010, an arrest was made.  It will soon be 18 months since her death. It will soon be 12 months since the arrest was made.  I’ve been told that the court process will be slow. It will take time.  I’ve learned what I have been told is true. I’ve also learned that waiting is a true test of my patience. The initial trial…

    Choose to Let Go of Grief and Pain

    Wild-eyed, I stared at the reflection in the mirror.  I no longer recognised myself.  My eyes were haunted by the pain and suffering not only of my brother's death but of all the other losses I'd experienced throughout my life. My once long red hair was gone, hacked off in a fit of fury as I tried to rid myself of the wild emotions coursing throughout my very being.  All that remained was a bald scalp. My vision blurred, a…

    When Living in Grief, ‘Keep Walking’

    Within two weeks after my sister's death, I knew, as did my husband, that I was not in a good place. I felt like I was walking around the edge of a big black hole. One missed step and I would fall into that hole.  My husband gently suggested I go see my doctor. I heeded his advice and saw my doctor the very next day. She put me on an anti-depressant and set up my first appointment with a…

    The Unique Nature of Sibling Loss

    I can still remember the call that told me my younger brother was dead. It was from my grandmother. Funnily enough, I’d been contemplating that my grandparents were getting old and that I needed to prepare myself for their deaths. I never expected that I would receive a call from them to tell me that my brother had crashed his car into a lamp post on the way home from a concert and was killed immediately. He was 17; I…

    Picture Me a Memory: Old Photos are Stirring

    On a recent trip to Italy, I developed an interest in photography.  There were simply too many picture-perfect moments that I had to honor with the click of my camera.  And so, for Christmas, my parents bought me a gift for the purpose of cultivating this new and creative interest of mine – a new camera! Since then, I have gone click-crazy in an attempt to capture significant, meaningful moments – including those which feed not only my soul, but…

    Tucson Murders Rekindle Memories of Sister’s Death

    I’ve been listening and reading about the senseless shootings in Arizona.  Such a tragedy.  I think about all the families and friends affected by this terrible act.  I think about the journey they are just beginning.  Unfortunately I can relate to what they are going through. When my sister was brutally murdered in her home, the shock alone was overwhelming. That was followed by complete sadness and anger. The one question the survivors of Tuscon will ask and will never…

    Before and After

    Have you ever noticed how when we lose a loved one, over time we measure events and time by before and after.    My son graduated from college before Dad died. My daughter graduated from college after Dad died.  I often think how my life has changed, what is different now, after Dad died.   Before Dad died, I talked to my Mom a lot, after Dad died I talked to my Mom even more. She needed me more. She always…

    Memory Loss During Grief

    In the last 15 months, I have had the privilege of talking and listening to many people on this journey of grief.  One thing that seems to be constant with everyone I’ve listened to is the loss of memory. Not the memories created with their loved ones, but simply remembering everyday things. Why did I come into the kitchen? What was I going to do? Where did I put my keys? Those forgetful moments are normal when your mind and…