The Unique Nature of Sibling Loss

    I can still remember the call that told me my younger brother was dead. It was from my grandmother. Funnily enough, I’d been contemplating that my grandparents were getting old and that I needed to prepare myself for their deaths. I never expected that I would receive a call from them to tell me that my brother had crashed his car into a lamp post on the way home from a concert and was killed immediately. He was 17; I…

    Picture Me a Memory: Old Photos are Stirring

    On a recent trip to Italy, I developed an interest in photography.  There were simply too many picture-perfect moments that I had to honor with the click of my camera.  And so, for Christmas, my parents bought me a gift for the purpose of cultivating this new and creative interest of mine – a new camera! Since then, I have gone click-crazy in an attempt to capture significant, meaningful moments – including those which feed not only my soul, but…

    Tucson Murders Rekindle Memories of Sister’s Death

    I’ve been listening and reading about the senseless shootings in Arizona.  Such a tragedy.  I think about all the families and friends affected by this terrible act.  I think about the journey they are just beginning.  Unfortunately I can relate to what they are going through. When my sister was brutally murdered in her home, the shock alone was overwhelming. That was followed by complete sadness and anger. The one question the survivors of Tuscon will ask and will never…

    Before and After

    Have you ever noticed how when we lose a loved one, over time we measure events and time by before and after.    My son graduated from college before Dad died. My daughter graduated from college after Dad died.  I often think how my life has changed, what is different now, after Dad died.   Before Dad died, I talked to my Mom a lot, after Dad died I talked to my Mom even more. She needed me more. She always…

    Memory Loss During Grief

    In the last 15 months, I have had the privilege of talking and listening to many people on this journey of grief.  One thing that seems to be constant with everyone I’ve listened to is the loss of memory. Not the memories created with their loved ones, but simply remembering everyday things. Why did I come into the kitchen? What was I going to do? Where did I put my keys? Those forgetful moments are normal when your mind and…

    ‘I’ll Take a Christmas Tree, Stocking and Kleenex for the Road’

    The halls are decked out with glittered-things galore, our stockings are hung on the mantle with care, and one Christmas tree is glimmering – trimmed to the top because of an unexpected amount of holiday cheer. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Oh wait. Yes I could.  Dear Brother, where are you? If only you could be here this very second! Indeed, I find it funny how the holiday seasons can be like that.  At one point, I can find…

    Multiple Meanings for the Pietà

    Art and music have a way of touching me in a way that words do not.   I have always found much solace in seeing brilliant colors like cerulean paired with subtle hues of baby blue.  So too have I been comforted upon hearing brilliant tones highlighted by subtle changes in volume. One of my most favorite works of art though, is Michelangelo’s Pietà.  A statue originally commissioned for a cardinal’s funeral monument, which shows the Virgin Mary holding her son…

    How Friendships May Change for Bereaved

    “Can’t make lunch tomorrow.  We’ll re-schedule,” said the note.  It was short, to the point and oh how it stung. It was nearly 3 months since my brother died, and this lunch with one of my oldest and closest friends was something I’d looked forward to for weeks.  With a brief email, it was cancelled -- as were the next two. And so the friendship drifted, and the person who I thought would be my biggest support disappeared from my…

    Finding a Purpose After a Sibling’s Murder

    After my sister, Sandra, was murdered in September of 2009, I was pro-active in seeking help to deal with the tragedy.  I saw my doctor regularly, a family therapist and later a psychologist. I also found a wonderful support group through our local hospice. At first, I felt so weak, needing help dealing with the loss. As the weeks unfolded into months, I realized, with the help of all my support, that I wasn’t weak at all for needing help.…

    Turkey, Cranberry Sauce and Memories

    The holiday season has arrived and I welcome it! I open my arms to the experience of feeling excited and simultaneously having the sensation of a throat constricting grief – well-known visitors during the holidays.  Together, bitter and sweet emotions have given my life vibrancy I would have least expected, especially when my brother died sixteen years ago. Indeed, I would have gladly cast off any emotions that are the antithesis of joy or happiness.  And as an eight-year-old at…