‘I’ll Take a Christmas Tree, Stocking and Kleenex for the Road’

    The halls are decked out with glittered-things galore, our stockings are hung on the mantle with care, and one Christmas tree is glimmering – trimmed to the top because of an unexpected amount of holiday cheer. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Oh wait. Yes I could.  Dear Brother, where are you? If only you could be here this very second! Indeed, I find it funny how the holiday seasons can be like that.  At one point, I can find…

    Multiple Meanings for the Pietà

    Art and music have a way of touching me in a way that words do not.   I have always found much solace in seeing brilliant colors like cerulean paired with subtle hues of baby blue.  So too have I been comforted upon hearing brilliant tones highlighted by subtle changes in volume. One of my most favorite works of art though, is Michelangelo’s Pietà.  A statue originally commissioned for a cardinal’s funeral monument, which shows the Virgin Mary holding her son…

    How Friendships May Change for Bereaved

    “Can’t make lunch tomorrow.  We’ll re-schedule,” said the note.  It was short, to the point and oh how it stung. It was nearly 3 months since my brother died, and this lunch with one of my oldest and closest friends was something I’d looked forward to for weeks.  With a brief email, it was cancelled -- as were the next two. And so the friendship drifted, and the person who I thought would be my biggest support disappeared from my…

    Finding a Purpose After a Sibling’s Murder

    After my sister, Sandra, was murdered in September of 2009, I was pro-active in seeking help to deal with the tragedy.  I saw my doctor regularly, a family therapist and later a psychologist. I also found a wonderful support group through our local hospice. At first, I felt so weak, needing help dealing with the loss. As the weeks unfolded into months, I realized, with the help of all my support, that I wasn’t weak at all for needing help.…

    Turkey, Cranberry Sauce and Memories

    The holiday season has arrived and I welcome it! I open my arms to the experience of feeling excited and simultaneously having the sensation of a throat constricting grief – well-known visitors during the holidays.  Together, bitter and sweet emotions have given my life vibrancy I would have least expected, especially when my brother died sixteen years ago. Indeed, I would have gladly cast off any emotions that are the antithesis of joy or happiness.  And as an eight-year-old at…

    Prepare to Make it Through the Holidays

    With the holidays fast approaching, I think about last Christmas. Last year was the first Christmas without my sister.  Personally, I felt like skipping over the entire season.  I knew in my heart that others were depending on me to help make the holidays bearable, so I helped. I did ask less of myself though.  I did most of my shopping online. When I did go out to the malls I was surrounded by happy, laughing people and I felt…

    My Sister’s Murder: The Questions Continue

    On September 18th, my sister, Sandra, was found dead in her home. It was ruled a homicide later that day. Within a few days we had received the answers to two of our questions. When and How. The time of death was recorded as shortly after 9 am, when she was pronounced dead in her home. My other two sisters and I will always believe she died the night before, September 17. We also found out how she died. Stab…

    Make Time to Grieve, and Celebrate, During the Holidays

    When your heart is broken in grief, you’re not sure how you are going to get through the next day, much less the holidays. Holidays should be spent with the ones we love. It’s a time of celebration, of giving to those we care about. So, if your loved one has died, please don’t think I am in any way making light of the hole you must feel in the center of your being. I only wish to offer ways…

    Researcher Seeks Sibling-Loss Survivors

    My name is Kaitlin Carrozza, and I am a doctoral student at Loyola University in Maryland. I am completing my dissertation on sibling loss, and I'd like your help with my study. The current study investigates individuals' pattern of relating to others, how they cope following the death of a sibling, and their relationship satisfaction. If you have experienced the death of a sibling, and are interested in expanding our knowledge about the experience of sibling loss, then you would…

    Using Antidepressant Medication in Grief

    Question from a Reader: About four weeks ago, I came off an antidepressant which allowed the unresolved grief issues over my brother's death to surface. I believe that the antidepressant kept me from fully grieving his loss, which I am in the process of doing now.  A colleague, therapist, and good friend who has known me over the years knows exactly where I am and says perhaps just a small dosage of an antidepressant (not the one that I was…