Honor the Deceased, Even if Relationship Was Broken

    When my brother died in the spring of 2007, I barely had time to mourn him. Our elder daughter -- mother of our twin grandchildren -- had died four months earlier. My father-in-law died the same weekend and we were swamped with tasks. We were also doing all we could to nurture our grandchildren -- children who were now without a mother. Grief was still raw when my brother had a heart attack and died. Apparently, he had survived cancer…

    Hanging Up the Holiday Blues

    I believe, maybe because it helps me heal, that my brother would want me to enjoy the holidays.  His car accident was in December almost 15 years ago, and that December date catches up with me each year.  I start to hide from the world around mid-November. I want to sleep more. I blink back tears watching sappy commercials. I don't feel like working or working out at the gym. It happens right on cue every year, but it took me…

    Helping the Grieving Child in School

    Children’s grief should be seen as an ongoing life process that is approachable through words, activities and non-verbal communication. Educators can use this understanding to create a safe environment for parents, teachers and children to acknowledge and process difficult feelings. So often adults rely on the prevailing myth that children are too young too grieve. When a child is capable of loving, he is capable of grieving. Yet many of today’s children are born into a world of grief issues…

    Grief and Loss During the Holidays

    When I lost my brother it was early summer time. The flowers were out, the heat hadn’t magnetized and yet I could find beauty in nothing. I felt like I was never going to get over the pain from his death. In some ways I felt paralyzed, almost not feeling at all, from fear that if I did feel I would never come back. The pain ebbed and flowed but the pain was most intense during the holidays. I dreaded…

    Christmas ‘Gifts’ Never the Same After Sister’s Death

    Nothing that can be wrapped in a box could ever compare to the “gift” of my older sister, Dawn.  I still miss her keenly around the holidays, but I am thankful that she was a part of my childhood.  Today, as Christmas approaches, holiday memories poignantly remind me of how love, life and loss can redefine the true meaning of “Christmas gifts.” Christmas was always a formal affair in my home growing up. We took turns opening gifts one at…

    Poem: I Salute You

    I Salute You A little boy Taken by the hand, His father said You will be a soldier, A man. Sent away To a distant land, He fought with courage To prove to his father He can. He flew with the best, Killed with Tears in his eyes, Until the day He too would die. Far away, Killed in action, Body never recovered His father’s words Never delivered. Son, I’m proud of you, For the sacrifices you made, As a…

    Siblings of Military Casualties Offered Help

    A sibling relationship should be a lifelong friendship, but for those losing a brother or sister who served in the military, the pain and sorrow can be overwhelming. Adult siblings left behind must contend with their own grief and shock, adjust to an altered family structure and assume new responsibilities. To help brothers and sisters cope, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS held its first weekend retreat for siblings in 2008. The retreat was modeled after the organization’s regional…

    God Will Answer My Prayers

    In 1968 my brother, Danny who was 19 years old was killed in Vietnam. At the time, I was 15 years old. His helicopter was shot down and according to eye witnesses exploded in mid-air and then landed on the banks of a river. Because of heavy, enemy ground fire his body was never recovered. To date, he is listed as MIA (Missing in Action). After the loss of my brother several searches were conducted over the years, but no…

    How Do I Handle In-Laws After Death of Husband

    Adrianne writes in: Do you have any audios in your archive that deals with how to handle your in-laws after your husband dies? My husband died 2 years ago from cancer. Prior to his passing, his siblings became angry with him because he set limitations on visits during his battle due to his chemo. They felt they should come and visit with him as much as they wanted. But it wasn't what my husband wanted. So due to the anger…

    Children’s book deals with sibling loss

    My first book, The Glass Table, for children 8-12 years, has just launched today on Amazon.com. In The Glass Table, fourteen-year-old Jack Irwin-Hunter hikes to Lake Como after running away from home. Since his younger brother was killed in a tragic accident, Jack has suffered alone while his parents mourned their loss. He believes his parents no longer care about him—his mother is always crying and clutching a photo of Colby, and his father wanders their garden aimlessly. As a…