Turkey Talks: Thanking the Man Who Comforted Brother

    I gathered the courage to call the man who sat in the car with my brother while they waited for the ambulance to arrive.  The man was a fireman, and he was off duty, painting a house to earn extra money, when he saw the accident. He jumped off of the ladder and rushed over to the car. He crawled inside the car and knocked out the windshield, because the driver was panicking and felt claustrophobic. The driver was my…

    A Survivor’s Story: Aftermath of a Brother’s Death

    Two a.m., Wednesday, March 17, 1979: a deathly knock on our front door disturbed the sleeping, and divided lives into two parts. Before Paul and after Paul. I was sixteen. Paul was two months past his seventeenth birthday. His driver’s license was two months old, as was his motorbike. My mother had bought it for him for his birthday, with justified reluctance. But he was persistent, and who could resist his charms. Two policemen delivered the news. My mother responded by rocking back…

    What Does Grief Look Like?

    When my brother Rod killed himself the grief itself made me feel like I was going crazy. One minute I was okay and calm, the next I was hysterical. If we are in the depths of loss and grief, the intense emotions and sometimes lack of them often make us wonder, “Am I all right?” or “Am I doing this correctly?” Most of want to know we are doing something properly-- even grieving. Think about it, that’s why there are…

    The Importance of Journaling

    Writing has always been very therapeutic for me. I enjoy writing and especially enjoy writing poems. Writing allows me to express my fears, my sadness, my anger and yes, my happiness. Shortly, after my brother’s death I went in to a deep depression. I was blessed to have received therapy and apply what I had learned in ways that now benefit me. One of the best tools I learned was how to journal. Writing helps me express my feelings on…

    Trying to ‘Turn Grief Around’ After Brother’s Suicide

    By Allison Daily -- Does grief end? It's a question that varies for each person and depends in part on the person's relationship to the one who has died. The death of a child is different than that of a parent or grandparent. The death of a spouse is different from that of a sibling or best friend. Men handle grief differently than women do. I lost my brother Rod to suicide. I got the call, heard the gory details, and had to get…

    Brother Struggles to Say Something as Sister is Dying

    Michael writes in: My sister is dying of breast cancer. I don't know how to be with her. I want to say something but so far I only speak to myself. John Pete resonds: Hi Michael. It can be very difficult to be with someone who is dying and we often try too hard to think of the "right" things to say or do. It can help to think about how you would want to be treated in their situation. Dying is not…

    Caretakers: Dealing With Our Own Needs

    I've been a bedside volunteer for more than five years, sitting with dying patients and their families once or twice a week for up to four continuous hours. Sometimes I stay with patients overnight. Regardless of how demanding my responsibilities are, I know that when I leave the bedside, I'll have to take three to six days to "recover." It's a time to prepare myself for the next week's bedside activities that can range from conversing about life to witnessing…

    How to Help a Child After a Younger Sibling Dies

    Most children who have a sibling die due to a pregnancy loss or stillbirth, or in the first few months of life, will experience a grief reaction.  However, often times, their grief is overlooked or discounted. Parents may be so overwhelmed by their own grief that they are unable to assist their children with their issues. Parents often ask me "Will my child be negatively affected by the death of their baby sibling?"  I have to say the answer to…

    How Does Early Death of Sister Affect Adult Siblings?

    Question from TK: My sister and I lost an infant sister in an accident when we were 2 and 5, respectively. Now, 40 years later, I'm struggling to understand how our sister's death affected us. Outwardly, we are successful with loving spouses and children. Yet there is still a void. Sometimes I think it's silly to wonder how an event that happened at the edge of our memories could affect our lives today - but when I think of how…

    How Does Sibling-Loss Affect One’s Parenting?

    By Elizabeth Devita-Raeburn -- If you poke around in sibling loss literature, one unanswered question you come across is--does losing a sibling make sibling survivors more or less likely to have children? And do they tend to have "extra" children, just in case they lose one? FYI, I don't have an answer to this. In my case, I simply had too much baggage to deal with to have children earlier in life. (I had my son, Henry, at 40.) But…