Broken by Grief: A Sister’s Death by Domestic Violence

    Broken by Grief As writers, we are often told to write about what we know. And I know grief. We lost our sister Peggy to domestic violence. So in addition to dealing with the loss of our sibling, we had our situation further complicated because her death was violent. Add to that the fact we never recovered her body, and we had to attend her murder trial, and you can begin to see how complicated grief can become. But this…

    Father’s Death Triggers Grief of Sibling-Loss

    Father's Death Triggers Grief My beloved father Benjamin Lipson passed away in 2011, one week before the premiere of Celebration of Sisters, an annual fundraiser to honor my beloved sisters Margie and Jane. Conflicting emotions, breaking heart -- and what do I do about the event? Deep down I knew the answer. The event must go on. Thankfully, the first Celebration was not a skating event, so I did not have to perform on the ice. However, I needed to…

    Nurturing Oneself After a Homicide

    Developing practices of nurturing oneself after a homicide can ignite internal equilibrium in response to external chaos.  These strategies may not change the circumstances of life.  They can, however, foster the experience of stability in the midst of what ails the mind and heart, sprouting hope within the soul. Embrace Your Loving Self Homicide initiates survivors’ compartmentalization of their lives; instantly bombarded with both the feelings of and responsibility for being a griever, an advocate, a seeker of truth/answers, an…

    The Decade Difference: Ten Years After a Suicide

    The Difference in a Decade In the beginning, I didn't know how I was going to survive to the next day. My first thought when I awoke was, oh no my brother is dead. The physical heartache, tears, lethargy, fatigue, loss of concentration followed; my body even forced me to stop eating gluten and dairy. There was a deep heaviness within me and how I saw the rest of the world. Some days it felt like a depressive cloak over…

    Grief Does Not Define Me 

    Grief Does Not Define Me When my daughter told me that grief defined me, I felt like I had been punched in my gut. After years of presenting a happy persona, and not talking about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, I learned that my acting skills would not win an Oscar. Her words forced me to switch the narrative from grief does not define me to grief is a part of me. Losing my two sisters forty-two and thirty-three years…

    After a Sibling Loss: Signs Not to be Ignored

    After a sibling loss, it's natural for a child of any age to experience grief in some form. So what should parents consider a sign of trouble for the child after the sibling's death? What could be seen as symptoms of mental illness? Below is not an exhaustive list, but it suggests common clues often seen in a child who is suffering emotionally, socially, and psychologically.  Signs Not To Be Ignored Expressing statements or presenting behaviors that imply threats to…

    Common Reactions to Sibling Loss

    Common Reactions to Sibling Loss What are the most common reactions to sibling loss? How do siblings react at different stages of childhood? Here are some generalities: Reactions Among Infants These children may be too young to know the specifics of the tragedy, but they can pick up cues from people around them. Babies can sense that something is different in their environment.  Parents who care for them appear distant and upset.  Adults may stop interacting with them. The baby…

    Fear After Sibling Loss

    Fear After Sibling Loss Fear is commonplace in children after a sibling’s death.  Many times, the surviving child may not state their fear directly, but an astute parent can detect this emotion in statements such as these: I don’t want to go to school. Please keep the light on for me at night. Can I sleep in your room/bed? Turn off the TV; I don’t want to watch that show. Is Daddy going to be OK on his trip? Don’t…

    Gratitude While Grieving

    Gratitude While Grieving I do not believe in making New Year's resolutions, but believe in stating what I am grateful for. After all that we have lost, how are we different today than a year ago? How has our perspective on things changed? And what are we grateful for? In December, we welcomed grandson number two who arrived five weeks early. So grateful he is in good health, home, thriving and has the love of family around him. I recall…

    Anger after a Sibling Loss

    Anger after a Sibling Loss When a child loses a  sibling, the surviving child may be overwhelmed by anger. As with guilt, anger can be conscious or unconscious and is evident in thoughts like the following: I am mad at my sibling for messing up my life. My parents should have protected my brother. My mom and dad should  be there for me. God shouldn’t have let this happen to my family. The doctors and nurses weren’t good enough to…