What I Didn’t Lose When My Brother Died

    Siblings are Forever The relationship we share with our siblings can be the longest-lasting relationship we will ever have. If you’re an older sibling, you’ve likely known your brother or sister since their birth. If you’re a younger sibling, they’ve been there your entire life. There’s a good chance we might experience more life events and changes with our siblings than with anyone else. Since I am the oldest child in my family and was five years old when I…

    When Loss Strikes Early and Often

    Death and Dying: Something I Know Well I remember sitting in class in college and feeling like I was absolutely thriving. I loved the content, our discussions, and the best part was that I already knew most of it. The class was a prerequisite for Child Life and was doubly labeled as a Nursing class. Its name? “Death and Dying.” When I told people I was taking this course, it was always very amusing to watch their faces scrunch up…

    Supporting Others in Grief

    Supporting Others in Grief There are ways that death affects us all that we sometimes can’t even describe or understand until that one moment that makes us realize just how connected everything is. We live our whole lives wondering when our time will come or how, but nothing prepares you for when it’s someone else’s. We prepare, we worry, and we love with all our hearts, and then they break into a million pieces with the words delivered to you…

    How to Survive a Memorial Service by Eating All the Cookies

    Dad Helped Plan His Memorial Service We had a memorial service for my dad. He helped plan the shindig. He picked the songs for the video slideshow, asked me to speak, and requested that his older sister, Kathy, co-lead the service. Dad requested that his grandsons play music. And he did not want a viewing. He wanted to be cremated. He had a hand in the whole thing. It was one of the strange gifts of cancer, the time to…

    Remembering Dakota: Sibling Loss and Its Impacts

    Brother Died Before I Was Born When was the first time I learned about death? I don’t remember a time when I didn't know about it. Hi, I’m Skye, and I was born two years after my oldest brother, Dakota, died from medulloblastoma, a brain tumor. That's right, my brother died before I was born. So it’s true when I say I was born understanding death. Most young people don't have to deal with so much loss in their family.…

    Finding Peace After the Loss of a Brother

    A Brother's Sudden Death As I walk into the beach hut, all is quiet. Still. Everything, as Carl left it. His table with a view of the ocean he loved so much. On it, an ash tray and tobacco. Carl’s beloved magpie statue, a symbol of his passion for the Collingwood Football Club. All around me, Carl’s belongings. The last time Carl closed the door, he did so with the belief he would return. He didn’t. “A luminous light remains…

    Board Games Connect Us to Siblings

    A Passion for Board Games At a recent conference I attended, one of the presenters shared her passion for board games. This sparked a memory of my beloved sisters Margie, Jane and I. Rather than ignore, suppress or forget, a smile came to my face. Memories I thought were lost bubbled to the surface. Growing up, my sisters and I spent time playing downstairs in the basement with the black and white linoleum floor. A closet housed the board games.…

    Honoring Our Beloved Siblings

    Honoring our Siblings How we honor our siblings is personal. It may be a poem, song, fundraiser, inner thoughts, private moments, or a visit to the grave site. For me, it has been a decade of an ice-skating fundraiser, Celebration of Sisters, that ended on November 7th, the fortieth anniversary of the death of my sister Jane. Ten years of marking the memories of my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, shared with others in a sport we all shared as…

    What is the Recipe for Grief?

    What is the recipe for grief? There is no recipe for grief. Years after the deaths of my sisters, my complicated grief program required that I incorporate self-compassion into my practice of forgiveness. I learned to repeat this thought: I did the best I could at the time. I am amazing now. These words were crucial. As a figure skater, I thought of this like learning a new element on the ice. I'd break down the element into segments, put…

    Death Anniversaries are Powerful Days

    The dates are forever etched in our minds and hearts – the death anniversaries of our siblings. The calendar need not remind us; our bodies and minds tell us as the date is approaching. My sleep pattern changes, I experience outbursts of tears or crying spells, and my heart hurts. No rhyme or reason, it seems. Some years are more painful than others;. Why is this so? There are no answers. Grief paints its own picture. Death Anniversaries May Take…