Losses are part of life. A colleague lost his wife in a car accident. A fellow employee lost her home. Your supervisor is going through a divorce. All these transitions are losses experienced by people every day, but do we acknowledge them at the workplace? Unfortunately it doesn’t happen on a regular basis.
Grief is the natural response to loss and it can have a huge effect on how we experience life. It can be manifested at various levels and in different dimensions, such as the physical, social, emotional and spiritual. How can you respond as a manager, supervisor or HR representative in such circumstances? Are you prepared to handle grief at the workplace?
SUPPRESSED ISSUES
In our culture, issues related to death and dying tend to be denied or suppressed, so the idea of sharing our grief in the workplace is something that seems remote or even inappropriate. We are supposed to be able to manage stress and work overload with a winning attitude, with stoicism and positivism.
But what about grief? A good manager strives to create a productive environment and to develop successful employees. An exceptional manager knows the meaning of having satisfied employees who feel they are able to communicate with their manager and believe that they are understood as they face a loss in their lives. The first step is to realize that losses are part of life and that grief can have a great affect on how we function, communicate and behave.
When loss enters the workplace it affects three different groups of people and their productivity: the person facing the loss, the manager of the company and the people working with that person who is dealing with the loss.
It has been said that for every death that happens, six people will be affected. I would suggest that co-workers are among those people who end up being affected.
For example, a grieving employee returns to work after the death of her mother. The moment she steps into the workplace, a silence may fill the air. Most people don’t know what to say or how to behave. Some of them ignore the bereaved employee, others gossip among themselves and just a few may say: “I am sorry–I know how you feel.” But in reality, do we know how she feels? This is one of the phrases we fall back on when we don’t know what to say.
What if we just gave her a hug? Sometimes we just need to let the bereaved person know that, in case he or she needs us, we are there. Sometimes we just need to be present.
MAKING A DIFFERENCE
A compassionate and communicative manager can make a difference in the life of a grieving employee and on the environment of the workplace, and managers need to be aware of what grief is, how it is expressed and how it is processed.
With this purpose in mind, many organizations are taking a stand and are offering workshops for their employees on grief and loss. Some also are providing support groups and even counseling for the employee who shows exceptional distress. They are aware that empathy can make a difference in the lives of others and that a grieving employee is not a productive employee.
Tags: grief, hope
Dear Ligia,
Thank you so much for your article on grief in the workplace. On September 18, 2009, I received a phone call that my sister had died.
I live 800 miles away from my sister and the rest of my family. I called my husband to come and I called my boss to inform him of what had happened. I am a member of the management team at a local restaraunt. About an hour before we left for the trip home to my family, my sisters only child called, my niece to tell me they had ruled my sisters death a homicide. Needless to say, if my world paused when I heard the news that she had died, hearing it was a homicide felt like my world stopped. My sister was murdered, stabbed in the heart, in her own home.
The first week I was gone I received a lot of support from my co workers and the company I work for. Two weeks after her death, I returned to work, Only to find out a week or so later that it was too soon. I was in shock and denial. I saw my doctor, a psychologist and grief counselor. I also attened a grief support group.
When I went back to work immediately after my sisters death, I was given the silent treatment. No one knew what to say. I felt like a diseased person. No one would mention it, no one even tried to console me. I was a wreck.
It’s now been over 7 months since my sisters death. I have not talked to my general manager since November. My doctor and psycologist would not let me return to work. I was being treated for severe depression, ptsd and severe anxiety. I felt guilty for not being able to work. Fortunately my employer has long term disblility coverge on all managers. I have been released to go back to work on May 21st, after I move back to my home state, closer to my family.
It has become so obvious to me, that my company has no idea how to deal with grief. I have an opportunity to educate them, from first hand experience, but am fearful they won’t think it’s important enough. Our society fears grief. They fear what they do not know or understand. They fear what they have not experienced.
I am please to say, I have worked hard through my grief and will continue to do so. I do think the journey would have been aided by support of my coworkers, my work family. I was told in order to return to work, I could not talk about it, I could not cry and they prefered that I not think about it! Imagine that.
It’s on my mind a lot, still. I’ve learned to function with the thoughts now. I still cry everyday, right before I go to sleep. I can make it through a work day without crying, without talking about it and they will not know what I am thinking about.
Sorry, I ramble. I just want to thank you though, for acknowledging what I have learned first hand about grief in the workplace.
Sincerely,
Shirley Dickinson
Shirley,
My heart goes to you as you share the loss of your beloved sister.
It is sad that you didn’t find the support of your “work family.” Because several of the people I work with have shared with me about this painful situation, I decided to write the article….My purpose was to create awareness of our needs as human beings and to emphasize the need of more compassion in the workplace.
Thank you for opening your heart to us…
Ligia M. Houben
Dear Shirley,
My heart is with you as you share the loss of your sister and how painful this situation has been. Thank you so much for sharing.
I am sure I responded to your message,several months ago but I don’t see the response now and I just got the email letting me know I had it.
Did you ever read the previous one?
I send you warm thoughts,
Ligia/10
I lost my mother few days ago June 10, 2014. It was a sudden death because she was not ill. I remember receiving that UGLY & BAD call on that Tuesday evening as i was returning back from work with my younger Sister.
I was informed that my mother was ill and i should come see her but she was already dead as at that time.
I felt a sharp pain inside me has something within silently whispered to me that my Mother was DEAD! and the caller was lieing about her illness. I called my MUMz no. and 1 of her friends picked her the call and tried impersonating her voice, immediately i requested the phone should be given to my Mum and my request was refused, that just answered my fears.
Loosing my Mum is a grief that seem i will never get over, Heartache, Anger, Fears, Tears, Memories i can keep on mentioning and mentioning