There is a tendency in our society to talk about healing loss, like it is a physical wound. It reduces loss to nothing more than an illness to be cured. Our objective is to heal it as quickly as possible and get back to normal.
This approach has failed us in our understanding of loss and made us miss the real nature of loss. It has created a society that is reluctant to express loss, and we thus keep the loss inside of us, instead of letting it go.
Transformation is the real nature of loss. It shows us that we don’t need to heal anything. We can take our loss and change it into something more, something better for ourselves. It means that not only do we let go of our loss but we gain something far greater in return.
We become just like caterpillars entering the cocoon stage. By going into the darkness of our loss and accepting it rather than fighting against it, we can emerge from loss, brighter and lighter than ever before.
Transforming loss means you become aware that life is too short. It is the awareness that life is incredibly precious and we have a responsibility to live fully and die without regrets. Transforming loss means changing fundamental aspects of your life. It means acknowledging and experiencing deep and sometimes painful emotions. It means facing demons and letting them go. It means discovering your hidden dreams about what you really want for your life.
Transforming loss can be uncomfortable. Yet in loss, we are already uncomfortable. So rather than running from it, transforming loss requires that you accept it and explore it. It takes courage. It is far easier to heal loss and continue living as you did before.
There is a tendency for loss to tap into unresolved past painful experiences. If we don’t take the time to acknowledge these and let them go, we stay forever trapped by them like the caterpillar on the plant’s leaf. It also requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves and become aware of behaviour that doesn’t work in our best interests and change it.
By choosing to transform loss, you create a statement of intent. A statement that says I deserve the best for myself. Transforming loss can increase happiness and increase health. It can give you the opportunity to find your true purpose and fulfill your wildest dreams.
Ask yourself this. Do you wish to live your life as a caterpillar? Or are you prepared to metamorphosis into a butterfly and experience everything that life truly has to offer?
Tags: grief, hope
Tabitha,
Thank you for sharing this perspective. I’ve lost a few family members recently and will be participating in a memorial service tomorrow. This article will help me during that ceremony tomorrow and forward.
Thank you,
Jennifer
Jennifer,
Glad you found the article useful.
A big hug,
Tabitha
Tabitha, This is so true. My husband’s death has certainly prompted my transformation. I think one of the hard parts about walking through the darkness of grief is that we don’t know where the transformation will take us. I also believe that our transformation is always evolving as we continue to walk through time and how our loss effects that journey. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Thanks for sharing yourself and your transformation with us.
Chris,
Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry to hear about your husband. You are so right that transformation is always evolving. We think transformation is the destination but really it’s the process that encourages us to live a deeper life.
Tabitha
Tabitha your insight is awesome and well appreciated. My wife died of a heart attack 6 months ago. She left me a beautiful ten year old daughter.
My first priority is to be a mom and a dad. After that I really don’t what my true purpose is. I can’t keep living like this. I take care of my daughter and after that the world for me justs sits still. Everybody else goes on. I have trouble finding enjoyment in anything.
Thank for your article. I know transformation is possible. I wonder what I will transform into.
God Bless You,
Tony
Tony,
I’m so sorry to hear about your wife and can’t even begin to imagine how difficult you’ve been finding this. I’m glad the article helped you.
I want to invite you for a complementary session with me where we can explore your true purpose, look at how you can start enjoying things again and how you can transform. If you’re interested, click on my name – it goes to my blog and there is a contact button at the top of the page where you can reach me.
Sending you lots of love,
Tabitha