Finding Hope in The Darkness
The Grief of the loss of my daughter deeply embedded itself in my soul. The loss of a child is a profound, life-altering experience. The journey through this loss is one of unimaginable pain that seeps into every cell of existence. The unbearable despair of Grief makes Hope inconceivable and feels unreachable. The weight of Grief is suffocating, making it seem impossible to see any light.
Understanding Grief
Grief is a whole-body experience. The harsh impact attacks a person with changes that influence us physically, emotionally, cognitively, socially, and in every way possible. Depression, sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and many other emotions consume our existence. These emotions are unregulated and leave one feeling helpless. What we once knew as stability, confidence, and security has vanished. We must learn to navigate through the devastation and complexity of Grief, which is overwhelming and frightening.
Grief is like being lost in the forest, in unfamiliar territory with no navigation system or tools for guidance. The darkness is beyond comprehension with Grief’s confusion and fog; the task of survival feels insurmountable.
Finding Hope is not Linear
Remember, Grief is not linear, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Grief is as unique as a fingerprint; the loss, family, personality, and many other factors influence the personal grief journey.
It is essential to know that you are not alone. Many have walked the painful road; some are ahead, and some are behind. Although the loneliness is individual, it is reassuring that there is a community of people who understand because they, too, are experiencing the painful process.
The Darkness is Normal
It is vital to know that what you are feeling is normal. Expect every emotion to be intense because the vacancy in your life gives a valid reason. Feeling overwhelmed and disorientated with the fierce emotions is normal. Grief has significantly disrupted the cognitive part of the brain. You are not going “crazy”. You are grieving.
Developing resilience involves learning skills, creating a positive outlook, and finding new meaning and purpose. Remember, Love is the most potent force in the universe. Grief is a continuation of Love and our connection with our loved ones.
What is Hope?
Hope is an anchor in the journey of Grief. Finding Hope isn’t about expecting the pain to vanish but believing you can find purpose again one day. It is not denying the loss but the quiet belief that a better future is possible despite the profound pain.
Hope is the key to resilience and rebuilding a changed life. It involves motivation and determination to achieve goals by identifying and planning them. By doing this, individuals focus on the positive and not the negative while moving forward to Hope.
The magic is believing in the power within. The depth of Grief and pain feels unbearable, leaving a person broken. I remember seeing only darkness, and there was no sign of light. Through the years, I have leaned into the fact that the sun is behind every dark cloud and will illuminate its rays through the storms of Grief.
Hope must be cultivated, like embers glowing that can ignite brightness in the dark, even amid unimaginable loss.
In my journey, I searched for a way forward while honoring my daughter and our Love. I realized three essential pillars that gave me a foundation for healing and Hope. What I call “The Triple A” framework has helped me navigate the darkness and step toward reclaiming Hope. Acknowledging the reality and emotions and taking actionable steps can shift one’s perspective to appreciation. When this happens, one can learn to appreciate life’s small joys, gain control, and discover that Hope exists.
Acknowledgment: the First Pillar of Finding Hope in the Darkness
Acknowledgment is facing reality with honesty and truth, no matter how painful. It is the first step in the healing process. The acknowledgment says, “This Love is real, this relationship mattered, and my loss will forever change my heart. Essentially, it is proof of Love.
I remember when I faced the reality that my daughter would never walk through my door again. The silence followed the shock in my brain. My world stopped, and I was frozen. I thought I couldn’t bear the never-ending tears, piercing screams, and emptiness”. As time progressed, I continued to express all the emotions: anger, fear, anxiety, all of it. I allowed the release of raw, intense pain without guilt or explanation.
When we begin the unthinkable process of feeling the emotions, it validates the pain, Love, and relationship. Identifying the feelings by naming them, “I feel sad and depressed, or “I’m empty, or I’m lost,” gives recognition to Grief. It is vital not to rush through or hide the pain; be patient and gentle when giving Grief space. Acknowledgment allows one to understand the pain as we regain control. It takes time and repetition with both good and bad days. Understanding that feeling every emotion is cathartic as we move toward Hope. Acknowledgment is challenging, but it is the first step in facing what it is and opening the space for light.
Action: the Second Pillar of Hope
Hope doesn’t just happen; it starts with a small glimmer in the darkness. It is like planting seeds that must be nurtured and cared for, and then we see the growth in time. We need to nurture Hope with actions, patience, and perseverance. Remembering action doesn’t have to be a grand motion is imperative. It starts with setting small, achievable goals that create momentum toward Hope and decrease Grief’s weight.
Whatever these small actions look like, it is the power of doing. It can be bed-making, stepping outside and feeling the sun’s warmth, brushing your teeth, drinking fluids to hydrate your body, or any action that moves you from the darkness of pain to the present.
It can be creating space for your loved one that gives honor, like volunteering or doing a memory project, reaching out for support, and being around like-minded people. Remember to celebrate progress as small victories; they move you closer to Hope. Give yourself compassion with respect, and accept setbacks. Tiny steps will lead to tomorrow and awaken your heart to Hope.
Appreciation: the Third Pillar
Navigating Grief is challenging, but acknowledging feelings and taking small positive actions will give clarity and strength. Embracing gratitude doesn’t mean it no longer hurts. It is moving through the Grief, knowing that it is possible to thrive even with pain to honor your loved one. Appreciation opens the heart to joy, and I learned that joy and pain can co-exist.
When I take the time to hear a bird singing, see the colors of nature, feel the sand between my toes, and touch my grandchild’s face, I am grateful for my life amidst the pain. When I say her name,” Andrea,” I am thankful to be her mom
Grief is ugly, and Grief is messy. Grief is a thief, and it stole my daughter a piece of my existence. But it is a teacher, and I have learned many lessons. The most significant one is that life is a gift.
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, and living today is a gift. I take my broken pieces and embrace the moments. I appreciate the present. Take the time to find beauty in the shattered places. When we nurture gratitude, we are nurturing Hope.
Linda Henderson is the author of Amazon.com: The Road of Love & Hope: The Journey of Child Loss eBook : Henderson, Linda: Kindle Store
Read more about hope: Finding Hope Through Breathwork – Open to Hope
