Five Myths About Crying

• Myth #1: Crying is a sign of weakness.

This is truly a cultural attitude, not a truth.  Crying is an individual response to a physiological,

emotional, or spiritual state of being and is neither a sign of weakness nor strength.  Crying for some

requires great strength and courage while for others, not crying requires the same things.  For some,

crying or not crying comes easily.

 

• Myth #2: Crying shows you care.

Tears are often used as a measure of how much a person cares.  Because people don’t

cry, does this mean they don’t care?  Some people cry many tears and care little while

others care deeply and remain dry-eyed.  Don’t let tears or lack of them mislead you.

 

• Myth #3: Once crying starts, it will never stop.

Many people fear that, once they start crying, they will never stop. As far as we know (and after having

consulted the Guinness Book of World Records) no one has ever continued crying forever. The fact is at

some point, everyone stops crying.

 

What is a Good Cry?

 

• Myth #4: There is only one way to have a “good cry.”

What is the definition of a “good cry”?  Is a “good cry” one of those tearful displays that involves

leaking eyes, a twitching mouth, a runny nose and strange noises coming from the person doing the

crying?  Or does a “good cry” mean one of those quiet, almost hidden releases of several tears down the

cheek — “good” meaning not “creating a scene “?

 

For some, the physical relief of crying often leads to a less stressful state and in that way, crying is

“good” because one feels a bit better when the emotions are released rather than allowed to accumulate

within one’s body. For others, however, a “good cry” would be considered to be showing as little

emotion as possible.  It is a message that many have heard most of their lives, couched as “good girls

don’t cry” or “big boys don’t cry”.  So, a “good cry” would be a hidden release or no release at all.

 

This myth is derived from Freudian theory, which supports an overflow view of crying. Crying is seen

as a kind of safety valve: If you don’t cry, it’ll just feel worse. Stuffing your tears is unhealthy.

People who don’t cry end up with all sorts of physical problems.

 

Because many people do not cry on the “outside” or do not find relief in crying, it is important not to

judge their definition of a “good cry”.

 

Does Crying Help You Heal?

 

• Myth #5: One has to cry in order to heal.

Any time we see the phrase “has to” or “must”, we lean back with caution.  Who wrote that rule?  And

what does it mean to “heal”?  Get over it?  Get through it?  Recover from it?  Forget it?  Not be bothered

by it any more?  Emotions are personal and how we express and experience them is a reflection of our

uniqueness.  There must be a million “prescriptions” for how to “heal,” and crying is only one of them.

 

Excerpted from The Crying Handbook: Bob Baugher, Ph.D., Darcie Sims, Ph.D.: 9780963597564: Amazon.com: Books

Read more from Bob Baugher at An Introduction to Crying – Open to Hope