Living Under the Shadow of Grief
Now, I’m living my best life. There was a time when I thought I could not move out of the shadow of darkness. While grieving, some tend to live in that space for just a bit. Others do a mere stop-by, as if pausing at a stop sign, and moving on. Then there are those like me who spent [seemingly] an eternity inside the shadow of grief.
Professionals have commonly given this form of grief sufferance a label. In its purity, it is classified as complicated grief. So, how does one define that complicated grief journey?
According to those professionals at the Mayo Clinic, complicated grief may be considered when the intensity of grief has not decreased in the months after your loved one’s death. Some mental health professionals diagnose complicated grief when grieving continues to be intense, persistent, and debilitating beyond 12 months.”
Walking the Journey of Pain
Yes, that was me living a life of complexity inside a huge bubble of complicated grief. I couldn’t, I just could not find my way through to see the light of day. I was so heartbroken, depressed, suicidal, broken down, crippled, and torn up to the floor. Experiencing those humble beginnings, and devastating losses, had me drowning in my sorrow and buried in my pain.
It’s been stated, “Time heals all wounds.” True, it may heal the wound, but the heart never mends. That gigantic hole inside the heart remains but no longer bleeds continuously. Today, I still recall when my dearest friend [or who I thought was a friend], she had phoned me while I was deeply, deeply, deeply buried inside the tears of brokenness.
With a weeping and crackling, “Hello.” I responded only to believe she understood the process of this journey I was walking — that was a huge mistake.
She replied in a snapping tone, “You’re still grieving? You ought to get over it!”
“Oh, my God,” I thought. How could she say those words to me, her so-called friend?
Profoundly and emotionally, the words she released, “hit me to the core.”
In a crackling tone, I immediately blurted out, “I dare you say that to me.” “Until you‘ve walked this journey, you’ll never understand the depth of its pain. You, you are not to ever call me again!”
Forgiveness Lessened Pain
And no, we’ve never spoken since that day. It’s been well over three decades, and I still recall our words of exchange. Unbelievable, huh? Perhaps, it’s because her words are etched and echoed in my brain. One just never forgets the cruel and unjust treatment bestowed upon another.
I’ve moved on from that space of bitterness. My mind may carry and drag around those hurtful words until my number is up, but my heart has opened itself to glow and allow forgiveness to settle in. Through this forgiveness passage, I’m able to walk tall, release the pain, move on, and find a space that is filled with peace, love, and happiness.
I can say that I am living my best life through volunteering, writing, and helping others. All these things are not about me. I have found that it brings me pleasure to do for others. It is how I know I’m living my best life. Most importantly, I forgave someone who hurt me deeply. The beauty of it all, “forgiveness was my path to wellness.” And when was the last time you spoke the words, “I Forgive You.”
Excerpted from Not a Blueprint: It’s the Shoeprints That Matter: Norstrom, Nina: 9781939371478: Amazon.com: Books
For more about Nina, visit www.ninanorstrom.com.
