By Eric Tomei —

One of the reasons I love my job is that we talk about food all the time. If we are not talking about food, we are eating food, planning to eat food, or wishing people would bring in food. Today at the health clinic, one of our patients was talking about fried clams, and she said that the reason that she ate them was to bond and connect with her Dad. It turns out that he had loved fried clams.

Immediately, I began thinking of how many experiences I had with my dad that were similar to the fried clam story.

For as great of a guy as my dad was, we could not have been more opposite at times. I think every dad secretly wishes his kids were like him in some special way. In that respect, my dad probably was very disappointed. But that was one great thing about my dad: he always encouraged me to blaze my own trail in life and not follow anyone, including himself.

It was one of the truly valuable lessons he gave me. I think that is why to this day, I am usually willing to go on the road less traveled, (homage to Robert Frost), and confidently do so.

I remember being about 10 years old and my dad first asked me to go to work with him. I was so excited. I wanted to be an engineer at that time, even though I had no idea what the hell that was. I worked in my dad’s office all day that Saturday, and it was fun because I knew I helped him with menial tasks that nobody around the office felt like doing. I thought he had this really glamorous job in a big office. On that day, I learned this wasn’t true.

After that day, I had no desire to be an engineer. I knew I would never work in an office job, and to this day, I haven’t. I guess that was my “fried clam” experience. Like most kids, I desperatedly wanted approval from my parents and I thought it was a small sacrifice to copy his likes. It turns out that sacrifice was a big deal to me even at that young age.

It’s great to admire and pattern yourself after people you admire in life, and it’s especially great when you can admire your parents. But you can have a great relationship with your parents without having to eat fried clams or be an engineer.

Eric Tomei is author of I Miss My Dad. He is also the editor of www.opentohopeparentloss.com.