My Great Aunt Alice was a pretty healthy 87 years old. She was spunky. I really thought I’d be submitting her picture to the Today show for the Smuckers jar profile when she turned 100.
Then one a rainy day in April, I received the dreaded phone call. Aunt Alice had a sudden brain aneurysm and went into a coma. When I went to visit her, she wasn’t well. Her breathing was labored, and the family knew it was close to the end.
Her brother, sister and a couple of my cousins were there. We were her closest relatives as she didn’t have any children. The hospital told us that there was nothing that we could do, and they suggested we transfer Aunt Alice to hospice care.
In hospice, the nurse told us that Aunt Alice could hear us and that we should still talk to her. My great uncle (her brother) didn’t really believe the nurse, but he made an effort anyway. He told her he loved her and that he would miss her. I did believe that my aunt could still hear me, and I whispered to her. I told her I believed everything would be ok, that it was alright for her to go and that I loved her.
Still, for hours we sat there while she was just barely hanging on. Watching. Waiting. Why? We asked, “Why hasn’t she passed?” The hospice nurse said sometimes the patient is waiting for someone to come visit. Who could it possibly be? Everyone who could be there was.
My cousin Jim was convinced it was his dog P.J., and he decided to drive home to get the dog. Really, Aunt Alice would have been appalled at the thought of a dog in the hospital, but Jim probably needed a break from the situation.
For hours, I sat next to my aunt and held her hand and watched her slowly breathe in and out. The nurse would come in periodically to check on my aunt, but there was little change.
My back was to the door when I heard a new voice. A woman entered the room and said softly, “Hi. I’m Norma. I’m Alice’s minister.” We were surprised to see her because none of us had thought to call the church. Because we weren’t religious, we forgot that Aunt Alice might want the prayers.
Norma then walked over to the bed to check on Aunt Alice. I will never forget that it was at that very moment when Norma had arrived that Aunt Alice stopped breathing. The minister said, “I think she is gone” and started praying for her. The rest of us all looked around at each other, for we suddenly realized Aunt Alice had been waiting for God.
Lizzy Miles 2011
I love your story about your aunt. Thank you for sharing it. I also work in hospice in bereavement. It is so rewarding and we are proveleged to be present for part of their stories.
Hi Lizzy,
I like your writing and really respect the work you do! Hey, a question: my wonderful uncle, whom we are all close to, is pretty clearly headed into his last days. He has always been loving, honest, helped in his community, and more. He also is a non-theist, he doesn’t push his beliefs . . . or I mean *lack* of beliefs on anybody. He simply will say things like “I see this beautiful universe, and I don’t need to try to pick and choose among ‘explanations’ – it simply *IS*. When pressed though, he will delve into history, logic, biology, fate and such, and he has an amazing depth about this. He knows the Bible better than any Christian I know, and he knows the Koran well, lots of Buddhist, Hindu and other writings.
Anyways, so – he is a loving and compassionate, dedicated Atheist. Do you think he has something to fear more than the rest of us do after death?
Thanks,
Susan
Susan,
Awww… thanks. Your uncle sounds like an interesting man. I think I would really enjoy conversing with him. It may not show in this piece, but like your uncle, I actually have an interest in a variety of theological viewpoints. Unlike your uncle, I cannot claim great knowledge of the Bible, but I hear it’s a good read. Curious, is he ill now, or are you just thinking ahead of how he might handle death?
This may be an unpopular view, but I personally don’t think *anyone* has anything to fear. However…I have seen even the most devout people be fearful. Does that make sense? I work in hospice, and for me to do my job well, I need to honor the belief system of the person who is transitioning.
One of my favorite quotes is, “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ―Isaac Asimov