by Sandy Fox

Why do some bereaved parents go to a grief group?

1. We need to be with people who understand what we are going through. Only someone who has been there can identify with us completely.
2. We will find new friends and closer bonds than we ever thought possible.
3. We can be ourselves there. We can cry when we need to and not worry about being embarrassed. We can hug others whether we know the person or not.
4. We need to talk to someone who is a good listener as we remember our children and share the good memories.
5. If we are further along, we feel a need to help others who ae going through the same grief journey we are. Others were there for us when we needed them the most. Now we will be there for newer ones.
6. We feel a need to do something positive out of a horrible tragedy. Helping others in their worst moment is one way.
7. Because when we reach out to someone else, we also help ourselves.

Why do other parents read everything they can get their hands on?

1. We turn to writings of others to find help and comfort. We may feel uncomfortable being around other bereaved parents and have a hard enough time dealing with our own problems and don’t want to hear other’s stories in a group setting.
2. We read to see if others feel the same as we do. We want to hear other stories and compare them to our own.
3. We want confirmation that we are not crazy for ‘how’ we feel or ‘what’ we feel.
4. We want to learn from experts ways to better our lives and help our grief journey. We are so lost when this happens to us that sometimes we can’t even think straight. These experts who write about stages of grief and other topics allow us to understand better what we all go through.

Whether it is through a grief group, on your own, or through reading materials, each of us has his own way of moving forward with our lives after the worst possible thing that can happen to us becomes reality. Dealing with the loss of a child is a lifelong journey, and we should deal with it in whatever way is the most helpful to each one of us.