Grief is Healthy

Grief is a healthy response. Being sad and remembering things you don’t want to can bring up tears and heartache, but things have to come up to help you heal. Some days the weight is so heavy you have to just lie down alone, and if that’s the case, just do it.

Sometimes you want to read a book or watch a movie. If that’s the case, just do it. Know, though, that avoiding your feelings will only make them harder to deal with. Grieve for as little or as much as you need to. Only you know the answer to that.

Loss and stress really does affect your health. In a study done by Rice University, they discovered that: “people who struggle to overcome grief caused by loss of a loved one are at greater risk of suffering from potentially deadly levels of inflammation. Conversely, those who have an easier time dealing with a spouse’s death are prone to healthier outcomes.”

Losing a Spouse can Hurt Your Health

We have all heard of couples who have been together for many years then they die from within hours or days of each other. This is caused by real, physical symptoms that can arise when they truly just cannot live without their loved one. If you have physical
symptoms you are concerned about, be sure to seek medical attention. And take time to evaluate your loss. Where are you in your loss right now? What steps can you take to help?

When someone avoids going through the process of grief, they can stay tied to the past, and as much as you may think you would like to, that’s just not possible. Yet it is not unusual to unconsciously try to stay the same. Though you don’t stop being a mother, a wife, a son, a husband, a daughter, a granddaughter, a grandmother, a friend, a partner, or whatever role you played when someone dies, now is when you need to shift gears into the main role you are playing now.

And you can start by recognizing any symptoms of grief you may be a dealing with.

Take a Health Self-Test

Get out a journal or notebook and write out you answers to these questions.

• What do you do to keep yourself healthy now?
I eat well ___
I spend time with friends and family ____
I exercise to stay fit ____
I smile and do things that make me happy ____
I spend time finding things that inspire me ____
I am clear about my life’s meaning ____
I have a healthy balance between time I spend grieving and my everyday life ____
I look forward to tomorrow and my future ____

• What would you like to start to help you to be healthy?
I’d like to eat better ____
I’d like to spend more time with people ____
I’d like to improve my exercise practice ____
I’d like to have a reason to smile ____
I’d like to be inspired ____
I’d like to discover the meaning of life ____
I’d like to do something else besides grieve ____
I’d like to be able to look past today ____

Answering these questions will give you a good idea of how you are doing right now. Some of your answers may be in between what you are doing now and what you’d like to do, and as with everything, we always have room for improvement.

Excerpted from Emily Threatt’s book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Read more from Emily: How Long Should Grief Last? – Open to Hope

Emily Threatt

Emily has much experience with the grieving process having dealt with the death of two husbands, as well as the deaths of her father, mother, sister, and many aunts, uncles, and friends. Through all this, she learned to face life with love, optimism, and joy. She has kept journals and written to express herself most of her life. This led her to a career of teaching writing at the university level and writing textbooks. After her husbands died, she naturally turned to writing to help deal with her grief. Then she discovered that she could use her writing to help others deal with grief too. She created an online group to guide people through the ways writing provides comfort. Emily wrote the book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief: A Comprehensive Guide to Reclaiming and Cultivating Joy and Carrying on in the Face of Loss, which provides guidance for navigating the downs and ups of that unfamiliar territory. She felt something was missing in the work she was doing, and through the inspiration of author Marci Shimoff, she recognized the importance of helping people discover how allowing happiness to coexist with grief is essential. She created the popular podcast Grief and Happiness, but she knew she wanted to do more. To help provide comfort, support, love, and happiness to those dealing with grief and loss, she founded the Grief and Happiness Alliance. This group meets on Zoom weekly to write about dealing with grief and to learn happiness practices. These meetings and other services are provided by the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization so there is no charge to those who attend. Emily retired on the beautiful island of Maui in Hawaii after a rich and varied career of teaching writing and owning and operating business ranging from an ambulance company to a live theatre, to a school of arts and more. She spends her time now writing and teaching others how to deal with grief and loss and she teaches happiness practices. Emily's Professional Biography Emily holds a master’s degree with a concentration in writing. She taught writing and composition for over 30 years. During that time, she published three writing textbooks with Prentice Hall and Pearson Education. Giving Back Emily believes in social responsibility in business. A portion of the proceeds from her book Loving and Living Your Way Through grief is donated to NaKeiki O Emalia, which means Emalia’s Children. This organization provides support to grieving children, teens, and their families in Maui to help them heal after the death of a loved one. All their services are free. All of the profits from the sale of The Grief and Happiness Handbook and the Grief and Happiness Cards go to The Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization to enable them to provide their services free.

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