From The Grief Blog, March 27, 2008

I lost my daughter Lanai on March 9, 2008. She would have been my first. I miss her so much and it hurts. I know that I will get through it but dealing with this alone has been extremely difficult. I find comfort in reading everyone’s comments to each other and praying. I know that she is in a special place and watches over me every day. Although I was only 4 months along, I fell in love with her the first moment that I was pregnant. When my water broke I feel like time stood still because I can remember everything that happened that day. I prayed on the way to the hospital but I already knew… when I got to the hospital she was still there, heartbeat and everything, but no fluid. I was crushed. I really can’t express things anymore. But I know through God this too shall pass.

Dena

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Resond
Dear Dena,

We are so very sorry for your loss. It has been such a short time and your pain is so fresh that few words can console and right now nothing takes away the pain and deep sense of loss. This is a time to be very gentle with yourself. It is so easy (and so normal) to assume guilt for what happened. Know that there is most likely nothing you did to cause this and nothing you could have done to prevent it. And we know there is no pain that compare with the loss of your baby. It is important to knw, as well, that there are  no rules for grieving. Each one grieves in her own way and in her own time so allow yourself the time and space to grieve knowing that there will come a time when the pain becomes more bearable.

You say you are having to go through this alone. There is a wonderful group called The Compassionate Friends that is available to you when you are ready. Each member of the group has lost a child, whether during a pregnancy or after birth at any age. They understand what you are experiencing and can give you the comfort and support you need. If there is no chapter of Compassionate Friends in your area you may want to contact  your local Hospice for a grief group recommendation.  However, we understand that groups are not for everyone.  If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support.  We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.  You can find them at http://www.compassionatefriends.org

You will find there are many who share your grief and that you truly are not alone.

And yes, through God this too shall pass.

Sincerely,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley

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Monica Novak

Monica Novak became a bereaved mother in 1995 with the stillbirth of her daughter Miranda, learning firsthand the devastation of saying goodbye to a much-loved, much-wanted baby before having the chance to say hello. Three weeks later, she began a journey towards healing when she attended her first Share support group meeting. Along the way, she and six other bereaved mothers formed a close bond that carried them through the grief of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death, as well as the challenges of subsequent pregnancy and infertility. Having been at the opposite ends of grief and joy; despair and hope; indifference and compassion; fear and peace-sometimes simultaneously-she has captured these emotions and the story of her journey in a highly-praised new memoir titled The Good Grief Club. Monica writes and speaks on the subject of pregnancy loss and infant death and is involved with local and national organizations that provide support to families and caregivers. She is a member of the Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Alliance (PLIDA). Her mission is to bring comfort and hope to bereaved parents worldwide and to educate and promote awareness to the physicians, nurses, clergy, counselors, family, and friends of every mother or father who has or ever will be told that their baby has no heartbeat or that nothing more can be done. The mother of three daughters, Monica lives in the Chicago area with her husband, children, and a rat terrier named Sami. For more information, please visit www.thegoodgriefclub.com or e-mail Monica at monica@thegoodgriefclub.com Monica appeared on the radio show “Healing the Grieving Heart” discussing ”Miscarriage and Infant Loss.” To hear Monica being interviewed on this show by Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi Horsley, go to the following link: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/34073/miscarriage-and-infant-loss

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