From The Grief Blog, March 27, 2008
I lost my daughter Lanai on March 9, 2008. She would have been my first. I miss her so much and it hurts. I know that I will get through it but dealing with this alone has been extremely difficult. I find comfort in reading everyone’s comments to each other and praying. I know that she is in a special place and watches over me every day. Although I was only 4 months along, I fell in love with her the first moment that I was pregnant. When my water broke I feel like time stood still because I can remember everything that happened that day. I prayed on the way to the hospital but I already knew… when I got to the hospital she was still there, heartbeat and everything, but no fluid. I was crushed. I really can’t express things anymore. But I know through God this too shall pass.
Dena
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Resond
Dear Dena,
We are so very sorry for your loss. It has been such a short time and your pain is so fresh that few words can console and right now nothing takes away the pain and deep sense of loss. This is a time to be very gentle with yourself. It is so easy (and so normal) to assume guilt for what happened. Know that there is most likely nothing you did to cause this and nothing you could have done to prevent it. And we know there is no pain that compare with the loss of your baby. It is important to knw, as well, that there are no rules for grieving. Each one grieves in her own way and in her own time so allow yourself the time and space to grieve knowing that there will come a time when the pain becomes more bearable.
You say you are having to go through this alone. There is a wonderful group called The Compassionate Friends that is available to you when you are ready. Each member of the group has lost a child, whether during a pregnancy or after birth at any age. They understand what you are experiencing and can give you the comfort and support you need. If there is no chapter of Compassionate Friends in your area you may want to contact your local Hospice for a grief group recommendation. However, we understand that groups are not for everyone. If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support. We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone. You can find them at http://www.compassionatefriends.org
You will find there are many who share your grief and that you truly are not alone.
And yes, through God this too shall pass.
Sincerely,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
Tags: grief, hope