I lost my 33 year old son 4 years ago. We were like each half of one whole person. My love for him was very intense and when he died in a cliff dive in Lake Havasu, AZ, I died too. I have another son and a grandson that I love but nothing seems to give me any joy in life. Maybe someone can tell me how to get my joy back. I say I had 2 lives, back when I was happy and the other when my son Seanne died. Can I expect to feel this way the rest of my life
Phyllis
Dear Phyllis,
We are so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is probably the hardest thing a parent ever has to endure.? It takes time to get yourself back into some normal kind of life and it also takes time to get your joy back. There is no time frame for grieving and there is no right or wrong way to do it and there is no way to predict when joy will return. But there are some things you can do to help that happen. We recommend that you seek a grief counselor who can help you with this step. We also recommend that you find a chapter of Compassionate Friends in your area. Each member of Compassionate Friends has lost a child and understands what you are experiencing. With them you do not have to walk alone and this is most important. Another thing that helps many who are grieving is to reach out and help someone who is just starting down this path of grief.? Joy often results when we help someone else who is also hurting.
We invite you to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart? You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com? You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/
We are posting your comment on The Grief Blog because we know there are other bereaved parents who feel as you do and your words can help them know they are not the only ones who need to get their joy back. There is comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Blessings,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
Phyllis, my 29 year old daughter died 4 years ago and my 27 year old son died 5 weeks later. Their deaths were not expected. I must say I do know something about what you may be feeling. I can say reaching out to others and seeking grief counseling and support helped me. It took me 3 years to go to a support group, but I am glad I did. I hope you will consider it also. You will have good days and some bad days…but no, you don’t have to feel this way for the rest of your life. His spirit lives on in your heart…that can’t be taken away from you.
My heart truly breaks for you. I don’t know if I could be as strong as you seem to be. I know that you can feel what I feel. How in the world did you ever get through losing 2 children in the space of 5 weeks. God bless you
Phyllis I want you to know my heart is so very heavy for you. God keeps me standing and wonderful memories of my son and daughter. I still have to take each day as it comes. Some dark, good and some half & half. I am learning to go with the flow. I cry when I need to and have a good laugh every time I can. I know I will never get over it. I have accepted the fact that I can’t change it so I must learn to live with it..easier said than done. You ask how did I do it…I am still doing it by the grace of God. You are on the road to healing also because you can express your hurt (not explain) and pain. I found early after both of my kids died I was trying to explain how it feels…this tongue will never tell. I am sure as you know this is a heartbreak you must experience to understand. God is keeping you too.