I have to admit that I didn’t attend a caregiver support group while I was caring for my mom.

Not everyone is the “group” type.

I started full time caregiving back in 1998 and honestly, I didn’t even know caregiving support groups existed.  I had decided that I wasn’t going to go and talk about my mother! Yeah, I’m stubborn.

By the time I figured out my way in “caregiving land,” my mom was pretty far along. It’s not that I didn’t need a support group. I’m sure my friends were sick of my griping and whining.

But honestly, what little energy and thought I had were used to continue to parent my children.

In addition to my mom’s meds, physical therapy, and every day needs, I also had to think about SAT prep, teaching my youngest how to drive, helping another study for a big test, making sure they attended a youth group–and my spare time was spent driving them or making sure they got to their activities.

And that’s the way it should be–that’s what it’s like to be a sandwich generation parent. Juggling needs.

But now I know now that it would have benefited me greatly to attend a workshop, conference or support group–at least a couple of times a year.

Caregiver Support Groups Help By:

• Giving you a safe place to vent
• To know you’re not alone
• To find out about your community’s resources
• To make short and long term plans
• Helping you understand what part of the journey you’re on
• To give you validation and permission to feel all that you’re feeling

I encourage you to do a bit of Internet browsing and find out what’s available for you–almost every city and county offers something–an Alzheimer’s Association meeting, an American Heart Association gathering, stroke group meeting or a hospice based workshop.

I also realize I had an aversion to caregiving groups because I didn’t want to face the reality that I was a caregiver. I didn’t want to slap that on a name tag. I was in my late 30s when I crossed that line from being just my mother’s daughter to also being her caregiver.

If You Do Attend a Group or Workshop, Make It Worth Your While:

• Talking to someone while you’re there and even exchanging email addresses or phone numbers
• Ask a question–chances are if you don’t know the answer, others don’t know it either–and would really appreciate your candor
• Get info, lots of info–and follow up, make some calls or check out various groups on the web
• Many home health organizations attend these workshops–you could find some great resources, so look around
• Begin to take pride in your caregiver’s “badge of honor.” Get educated. Help others. Be okay that this is who you are and where you are–for now.

The good news is, you can accomplish a lot of this online. There are chat rooms, forums, and even online workshops–so even if you’re an introvert, you can sit in your PJs and find a caregiving buddy as well as access to lots of resources–all online.

Go on, type in caregiver support group and the name of your city or area. Find out what’s available.

Join an online group, or just call up a good friend–caregiving support has many faces.

~Carol D. O’Dell

Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir