When Your Deceased Child is an Adult

Dr. Gloria,

My 32 year-old son died in Sept 2007, and I have been trying to deal with my grief. I came across your grief blog recently and am pleased to be able to have access to someone with your background. In trying to find books and websites to help me, I am finding that there is only one “category” called child to talk about the grief a parent feels. Do you think that the grief and grieving is the same for the loss of a child versus an adult? I believe it is different and I am looking for help for the loss of an adult son.

Thank you for your input.

Alice

Dr. Gloria Responds

Dear Alice,

We are so very sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose a child at any age and losing a son that you have loved for 32 years leaves a big gap in your life. And you are right – there is little written about losing an adult child. I think the problem is that the world doesn’t recognize how difficult it is to lose an adult child. I don’t care if you are 90, your child should not go before you. It is a very short time since September and we encourage you to be gentle with yourself – get plenty of rest and do what you need to do to take care of you. Grieving is hard work and takes a great deal of energy.

You also may find comfort in a Compassionate Friends group or their chat rooms. The group is made up of parent and siblings of all ages grieving for their adult children and siblings.  You can find them at http://www.compassionatefriends.org. We encourage you to get involved with such a group because we have found that the burden of grieve is easier to carry when you don’t have to carry it alone.

We will post your letter on the blog, together with our response because we feel it will be a help to many, many of our visitors.

Good Luck and keep in touch.

Gloria
Gloria C. Horsley Ph.D.

Read more on Open to Hope from Gloria: https://www.opentohope.com/kathleen-gilbert-dr-gloria-c-horsley-how-family-members-grieve/

 

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Gloria Horsley

Dr. Gloria Horsley is an internationally known grief expert, psychotherapist, and bereaved parent. She started "Open to Hope" to help the millions in the world with grief. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Nurse Specialist, and has worked in the field of family therapy for over 20 years. Dr. Horsley hosts the syndicated internet radio show, The Grief Blog which is one of the top ranked shows on Health Voice America. She serves the Compassionate Friends in a number of roles including as a Board of Directors, chapter leader, workshop facilitator, and frequently serves as media spokesperson. Dr. Horsley is often called on to present seminars throughout the country. She has made appearances on numerous television and radio programs including "The Today Show," "Montel Williams," and "Sallie Jessie Raphael." In addition, she has authored a number of articles and written several books including Teen Grief Relief with Dr. Heidi Horlsey, and The In-Law Survival Guide.

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