A Pain Like No Other
All loss is hard. All loss is lonely. But there is something about child-loss that puts it in a unique category.
I have experienced other types of loss. When my very much loved father died in 2001, I was devastated. My father was a wonderful, kind man, a devoted husband and father. I grieved for him. I will forever miss having him in my life. I will treasure my wonderful memories of him forever.
Then, in 2006, my 23-year-old daughter suddenly died. In a single phone call, my life as I knew it came to a complete halt. I lost all hope and joy, and the worst was yet to come. Indeed, in the early days and weeks, being able to survive the death of my daughter was seriously in question.
Child-Loss is Not Fair
That is why, six months after our children’s death, my fellow bereaved parent, Diana Dimasi, we wrote this piece together. We had been told there must be something wrong with our mental health because we are still obsessing over the loss of our children. You may hear a lot of anger in our words because child-loss is not fair and anger is an immense part of it — raw life-changing anger at the unfairness of it all, much more anger then is associated with other losses.
So we tried to put into words what the pain, heartache, anger, loss of hope and joy does to one when they lose their beloved child. Even our words cannot fully come close to the way our lives are shattered after child-loss
But it is my hope that more people will understand what bereaved parents go through, and how it is the worst loss of all.
The worst loss of all.
Silence and Emptiness
I want you to try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child’s, never hearing them say “I love you.” Nothing – just silence, emptiness. Now, imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep.
Imagine missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7. You smell your child’s pillow, clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry. You have never felt longing like this in your life! Longing to hear her voice, to see her face again, and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it. Now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. Not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight.
Everything you loved now hurts like hell.
For example: I used to love music. It gave me pleasure. I didn’t realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere. Now I cannot listen to it; it sears me like a red-hot knife. Every song reminds me of the void in my life without my child. I am not unique in that pain – if you lost a child you would know.
That is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child.
Loss and Your Other Children
You also feel the loss with your other children. You still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them, you feel the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. There is a piece missing, a person missing; your whole life doesn’t fit anymore. Things that felt right, now feel wrong. And of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing.
As good parents, we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children. This we cannot fix, cannot make it better. So on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless…out of control and hopeless…and this is universal.
Are you starting to imagine now how it feels?
Day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind: your child when she was a baby, a laughing happy little girl, a cute young teen, a wonderful young man or women. It plays in your head, and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child’s life.
And that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget.
Part of You Has Died
This is what it really feels like: A part of you has died… a real, beautiful, living part of you has died… and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life.
A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell.
That is why when we hear other people say to us: “I want the old you back” or “It’s been a 6 months, and don’t you feel better yet?” or “You are making it harder on yourself” or “grief can become a selfish thing you know” — when we hear these, we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive.
Now go on and put on your favorite CD to listen to, enjoy the music. Go home and hug your children, listen to them laugh, watch them smile, smell their scent. And please do not tell me how I should feel.
Tags: grief, hope
Well written, Louise; and let me also say that the reality of our loss is so far beyond the ‘imagine’ as to not even be in the same ballpark … I have experienced many losses, but nothing touches the pain that now walks with me every day.
I was looking at something else when this website appeared. I lost my son Matt 8 years ago and I am still missing him just as much as I did the day he died.I could have written the article. Thank you so much.
This makes 2times for me .lost my 24yr.old son to suicide 24yr.ago. Jan.2010n lost my 42 yr. old son to massive heart attack. He had eaten breakfast w/ his brother then went to yard to walk around. Darrell said ”mama” Paul don’t look right & lools very swollen. Told Darrell to help Paul get clean clothes on while i called 911. Soon as he got briefs on he lay back on bed & closed his eyes. he was gone ,not a sound.I am going crazy crying everyday, guilt eating me up. i think if i had gotten him to hospital that night maybe he could have been saved.I have talked to drs. & lots of people & they don’t think so. It don’t stop me from searching for answers even tho i realize nothing can bring him back.I am completly broken. I desire your prayers.
Judy
I am so sorry for your loss. My 24 year old son died almost 6 years ago to suicide. I absolutely hate to think of others feeling this constant loss and pain. I know it has to be horrible to go through another loss so great.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of my son who passed away suddenly at 24 yrs old, if people who have not lost a child let you grieve, and not say a word to you, or don’t make remarks like get over it, or we as parents who lost a child to diminish other people’s feeling, or when someone says horrid things like, it’s not just about you, it puts a parent back down to the 1st day of their child’s loss, it’s happened to me to many times, then it’s back to the darkness of hell, or just complete denial of acceptance. I’m so Glad you posted this for us and others who haven’t lost a child read this,,My prayers are with you and your Loss, thank you so much,, Teri
my lovely daughter passed away in her sleep yesterday morning she was only 13 help me to live on
Dear Brenda
words cannot express to you how sorry I am that you lost your daughter.
What saved me was bonding with other grieving parents.
I had to know I was not alone in this pain
Please visit my web site at
http://griefsupport.proboards.com
or write me personally at
txlouise@aol.com
Holding you close to my heart….
I am holding you all close to my heart,may you feel the love and light of your beautiful child ALWAYS
For we are survivors.
I have a seven month old son I can only imagine how your are feeling after the loss of your daughter. I am so sorry for your loss but pray that you wil live with her through her memories.
Dear Louise,
Thank you for this post. Ever since I lost my 26 year old son, Nickolas, to leukemia, I cannot seem to get people to understand how painful it is and how I will never be the same person I was when my beautiful son was still alive. It has only been eight months, but, most of the people in my life expect me to be “over it” by now. It makes me even more angry and sad to know the depths of their lack of understanding. I was wondering if you would give me permission to post this article on my blog? I have been journaling our journey through my son’s cancer since he was diagnosed. Now it is more about my pain and grief at losing my precious son. Thank you Louise and I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. You could email me or just post back here. My blog is http://www.dancindianern.blogspot.com Thank you again Louise for sharing your experience with us.
Sincerely, Diane
Dear Diane
I wrote to your blog
Your son was so handsome I am so sorry
Yes of course you may post what I wrote on your blog all I ask is that you use my nane.
No one understands more then a grieving parent
You can always find me on FB as Louise Lagerman
or on my Grief Support site
http://griefsupport.proboards.com/
I hope we talk again
Love and Light
Louise
Thank you, and you are on target. Some self centered friends think that I should be focusing on their problems, and be their for them – I feel as bad, or worse, then the day that I heard the news. It has been 7 months since my 23 year old risk adverse son died in Tanzania while serving in the Peace Corp. It still seems like I am living a bad nightmare, and things are off-kilter. Nothing will ever be the same.
But, I have two other sons, a husband, a job, a good family – so I keep on chugging.
If you are going through Hell, keep on going.
Winston Churchill
Dear Donna,
at seven months you are just coming out of shock.
Be very gentle with your self and do not push your self.
It takes allot of time to begin living in this life again after we lose our child and always connect with other grieving parents.
It really does help
Love and Light
Louise
I read your article and felt the pain you are going through two fold. Since I have lost two of my sons it seems that i have stayed in this mental state half my life. my oldest son died when he was 24 and my youngest son died when he was 34. I keep asking myself why am i still here. There is no reason behind the deaths of my sons. I feel as though i have failed has a parent.
It is so hard for family members to understand why I cannot be the same person and i feel as though i have to put on this face of being happy. how can you be happy when inside you feel as though Life is not worth anything anymore.
I related to all that was written.
I lost my son to a heart attack two and half years ago and everyday – I get up and take the walk. It is so true that grief is selfish. Some days it is so hard to get through. I wear a leather bracelet that says hope on it.
Now I am at a point where I try to grieve in private. I know it has been hard for my friends and family to watch me go through this. I love them and thank them for all they have done. It is getting easier to accept but I know this is something I will never get over.
Dear Louise..
I lost my son on September 2, 2016…..he was riding his bike coming home from his best friend wedding …n was hit by a drunk driver its still under investigation….Michael is was 26 yrs…11days to go for his 27 birthday….I miss him n my days does not go too well all i do is to think about him n cry…..he was a wonderful son…i go to visit him at the cementy….u can see him on my Facebook at debbie cecil drepaul…n view his funeral at mikey Ramnath RIP on utube…….please i will u to help
My 14 years son Zafeer Bin Munawar died in a road accident, while coming back from his school here in Muscat, Oman. I am from Pakistan and working as a professor. Me and my wife are in complete shock. My two more children, Nusair and Unaiza are also very sad.
Please advise us.
Kind Regards,
Munawar
My 22 yr old son died in an accidental overdose many states away from me, this past Tuesday. I have no income, no health insurance, a healing fractured pelvis, no vehicle that would travel that far as he lays in a Public Medical Examiners morgue waiting to be picked up by a funeral home for cremation that I have no money for. The Medical Examiners office will keep him for 2 months if no one claims him they will cremate him themselves. I am angry that so many offer uplifting prayers but not help with a proper burial. He would have given his last ten dollars to a stranger or friend if they needed it.
Thank you for exkresing the feelings I can not write . Putting out there what I feel and care . I miss Jesse more then I dare .
I just lost my lil Braiden on Oct 4th,2017.My lil guy was only 6 and HPIV took him from me,his 2 older sisters and his twin brother Brailen,who is now lost without his best friend and his bubby.I read this and it was like I wrote it myself.Im so sorry for your loss.I thought I was just crazy for feeling like I do.Thank you for sharing.??
Today December 15th marks 1 year since my son Brandon passed away. It was around 4:15, his truck on fire. There are no words to explain the pain and suffering, there just isn’t. Only a parent who has experienced this can understand.
I went in my living room to wake my don up on dec 1, 2016. He wouldnt get out of the recliner and suddenly and slowly at the same time, I understood the world had just chsnged. My beautiful son , his name is Ethan, had turned 24 on aug 13th. NOV 30 he and I rode and looked at xmas lights, watched a movie at home, and danced in the kitchen. He was so proud he had learned how to spin me. He had just passed all of his rigger tests to get his license. They sent it to me. He never saw it. Sometime between our evening and morning, my Boychild, my Ethan, shot himself.
Thank you for posting this.
Wow, this could have been me writing every single word of this. We lost my baby boy at the young age of 22 on Dec. 15, 2016 unexpectedly. We didn’t find out until after he passed that the Drs. missed a heart issue and Lupus. It is an immeasurable unbearable ache. It might be a song that I think ” My Josh would have loved that song” or a sunny day that I feel we’ve been robbed of sharing that rips my heart all over again?
Dear all. I have so much respect and admiration for all of you who can write about your pain. I cannot. I lost my 15 years old daughter 3 month ago after she fought hard to beat severe osteosarcoma. Nothing makes sense any longer. It is all a deep and sad blur. It is probably still to soon but I have no idea how I can ever move on from something like this. All I can do is breathe through every second of the days. I will keep reading your posts and if I can find the strenght, I hope I can send updates. God bless you all.
My name is Paul and i lost my 14 year old son 12 weeks ago to a tragic accident in his bedroom everything you said is so true i am so broken and sometimea the pain is too much to handle i dont know how to even start to explain how i feel .Brandon was my best friend and my strength he is gone forever and i am so lost.
Hello,
I can barely type this, but on July 1st, I lost my beautiful 7 month old son. He was so happy all day, laughing and playing with us, and then suddenly within minutes things changed and he was gone. I spend my days working, but nights are so hard. I constantly feel a pain in my stomach. I want to push away my husband, but I feel guilty about it too. I don’t know how to survive this.
I lost my beloved son 6/12/16 and these words could not be more true. My heart breaks everyday. Not sure how to go on without him. Life will never be the same. I long for his voice his laughter that beautiful smile. I miss those words “love you Momma” the pain and emptiness is like no other. Each day that passes only brings more loneliness and a deeper emptiness. God bless all parents that share this loneliness of losing a child. ?
I lost my oldest daughter May 29 2018, she was 46 years old to ALS ( Lou Gehrig disease) she lasted 8 months after being diagnosed. A little tiny girl with red hair… No one seems to understand what I’m going through not even her sons. I know they are overwhelmed with grief but it seems they have left me and their grandfather out of the picture, they have no idea how devastating it is as a parent to lose a child. They are 27 and 25 years old, the oldest has two children of his own. They do not even come to see us, the youngest has told me that I just have to think of the things. I put this site on Facebook hoping they will read it as I asked them and others to do hoping they will come to understand some of the things I’m going through…I will never be the same, not ever again.
I lost my son in 2016 all of a sudden, most people say he was damn near perfect caused me no problems, it was all of a sudden he was the light of my life sometimes I don’t know if I’ll make it another year without him, this article was well written. I will never be the same and my heart will never be fixed it’s broken until I die. I wonder why was I brought into the world to endure this pain, the worst pain on earth.
These are my exact emotions 6 months after the loss of my daughter. I need energy to move through each day.
About my dad when I was 11 I think God was planning take me down that’s hard Road then when my son died in 2011 the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life I deal with everyday of my life I don’t have no life anymore half of it dad with him half of it to the rest of my children I don’t know how to bounce it I don’t know what to do anymore so tired I hurt I cry or not nobody sees my tears with me I don’t know what I wrote I will take Friday and Saturday I’m talkin text so I’m sitting seeing I don’t know what I got here but I know I got turned around and I can’t make it out so it hurts heart CNN I can’t find sin gave it all I want to send this so somebody would read it and understand what I go through everyday I wake up I got to sleep and I Cry everyday of my life I miss my son I have another son here on Earth but I miss my only baby son so much I can’t take it no more I’m done breaking done
Hello: thank you for posting this. My wife and I lost our 9 year old daughter to brain cancer. After two years of unimaginable hell she died in what I can only describe as hell on earth. It makes me sick to watch everyone else with their simple happy lives that have no real appreciation for the well being of their children. Words can not even come close to describing the pain that a parent goes through when we lose a child. Nobody understands unless they have been through it. It’s been over two years since our angel died and barely a day goes by that I don’t think about killing myself hoping to relieve the pain that I know will never go away.
I can not believe i lost my daughter, all you have said is my reality my daughter is 20 and passed 1.5 months ago, i do not want this pain it is to much i csn not take it.
Lost my 14 year old daughter, to a fatal seizure on 9-11-19. She came home from school that day at 4:30…..all smiles, she made and ate a grill cheese, cleaned up her dishes. Sometime between 5:30 and 6:00, she went to her room to take a nap….as she often did after school, due to the side effects of her medication. My husband knocked on her door to tell her dinner was ready……no answer, he opened the door and immediately told me to “come quickly and check on her, he didn’t like how she was laying!” She was lying face down, her head between the wall and the mattress, I went to turn her over and her lips were blue, there was vomit everywhere and her body was completely lifeless! ??? My husband immediately started CPR, as I called 911 and begged them to get here quick, my daughter was dying!
The Fire Department arrived in 5 minutes and took over CPR, suctioned out the vomit to clear her airways, and try to get her some oxygen. The ambulance finally arrived 30 minutes later and had to take her out through the window, so I wouldn’t see her, because I was outside and hysterical!
They took her downtown to the local Children’s Hospital. On our way there, I got a call from the hospital, telling me to “get there quick.” I thought she might be going in a coma and wanted to see me. I felt a tiny bit hopeful but deep down in my heart I just knew it was much worse.
When we got to the ER, the staff of Doctors and Nurses were all standing around, I saw one nurse lock eyes with me and she began to cry, as someone led us to a small room. There was a bereavement counselor and then a Dr. walked in and said, “I tried everything I could, but you daughter died.” I lost control of my knees and fell to the floor crying and screaming uncontrollably!
From that day on…..I truly feel like I’m slowly dying, my heart is shattered and all hope and joy is gone forever.
People tell me “it will get easier,” but those are the same people that have never lost a child. It angers me, but I bottle it up!
Thanks you so much for writing this! This is the only thing I have read that actually describes exactly how I’m feeling inside.
It helps a little to know, I am not alone in these emotions.
God bless you!
I lost my baby giving birth I went into cardiac arrest and by the time I was better he was burried that was 34yrs ago and I am still crying still pray I can see him in my dreams nobody understands and I have dedicated my whole life to other kids but it’s never enough.
Thank You Louise. and Diana for your words. I lost my son Chap last March. Every day is a struggle.
God bless us. Becky.
My son Boyd just turn 21 when he passed away 4 months ago 3 months after my mom passing . My son passed of accidental drug overdose he was my youngest of 4 and he was a mama’s boy . He made a big positive impact on all his friends life while he was here . He lost his dad when he was 1 years old to suicide . The day that he passed I’d the day i lost myself , I’m always crying , I don’t like to do anything anymore. To be honest I’m dead in side and I was never like this , I use to love life be for my son passed but now I don’t care and the said thing about it that it’s not fair to my other kids and grandkids but I can’t help it , it’s just the way I feel , I miss my son more than life itself. Louise Lagerman everything that you have said is how I feel plus more.. Thank you so much for creating this grieving site.
I lost my Little girl in a house fire Jan 5 of this year she would have been two years old on may 15 of this year it has been the hardest thing that i have delt with I feel so alone in my pain and hurting every day I pray for God to take me home so I can be with her my life has lost its hope and joy I can’t even understand why this happened a random electrical fire in a house we lived in started in the baby’s room that was on dec 30 she held on to jan 5 where she had burns on 80 percent of her body I will never forget the day they told us to come up stairs fast where I watched them trying to revie her screaming out her name I fell to ground her mother fell down on the couch in the room she was in shock and I watched my little girl die right in front of me I relive this moment in my nightmares on a regular basis now and I don’t even know what or how to live this is my struggle every day
My sister just lost her son to cancer today. She messaged me but said that she could not talk, asked me not to reply. I was not put off in the least by her request. It’s probably better this way until she is ready, if ever. This, I know is not about me, but I am stunned by the news. I hope she knows this. I’m so heartbroken for my sister.
Dear
I agree with you on every word you say.I lost my only child my son Rade 23 years ago and I am still here.I cant explain my pain and the hell I was and still am in that so hard road i dont see the end.When I lost my son i lost my life my hope and tomorrow.He lived in America and he lost his life he was sick.Than we take his body and bring him in our country Serbia Europa.Can anybody imagine that.I dont know what to say and every day I am asking myself how and why I am still living.God give me so huge load i bare on me.Why God.I n the mean time I lost my husband and i am alone and lost in space.Every morning I ask what now what to do where to go .there is no mining for me.I am not afraid of covid and I dont care to die.God please help me somehow.My story is very long and ovfool.
This pain doesn’t end. My daughter was my best friend. Signe died of Crohn’s disease and fear of covid. She was 50. I mourn like the day she died, April 12th 2021. I scream and cry cry cry. That I’m doing right now. Just took a moment to text you. Hopeless
I know how you feel. I lost my 13 1/2 year old daughter 7 months ago. I cry all the time and miss her every second. Feel like this is how I will be for the rest of my life. I keep telling myself this is a bad dream and I’ll wake up.
You are talking about me finally someone who understands what I’m going through I want to scream and throw things but everyone around me tells me it’s been 6 months I don’t care if it’s 6 seconds 6 minutes or 66 years I lost my beautiful boy Michael 6 months ago and I will always be his mum not a person who has 2 children still with me and not 3 your right my marriage was another casualty of this
I lost my 26 year old son Cory last July 10th. I’m so lost, sad, devastated. It’s so painful. I too long to talk to him, see him, feel him. My mind can’t ccomprehend that he’s not here. Damn!
Thank you for defining in a more understanding and with deep expressions the feelings that we sometimes are not able to say or dare to say to someone else, because there is not many people that you can say those words to and still feel your lose, but they can try and at least apply it to their personal lifes with their children. Maybe they can see that this is not something you fix or get over because that child (my son) was my life , gave me purpose of a lifetime, he would have been a good man and a great father, he was almost 13 years old, we did everything together and I was supposed to keep him safe and prosperous and to help him achieve his goals. Man oh my god, I loved my son and would give the world for him. I would exchange my life for his so he could have a chance of a life long leaved. My wife and my two daughters who I love so much, as much as my boy, I want to be strong for them and I will be strong But I hurt so much, I break out crying even in public because I see my son everywhere and in everything he loved or would have loved to do. I see a cool car and think “My boy loved cars”. “I love you son Forever”
I lost my son on February 20, 2023 @ 10:54 in the morning. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was there and able to speak with him before he passed. Not knowing that it would be the last time. He told me “Mom it’s okay if I die” and i told him not to talk that way that he would be fine he told me to watch over his 3 children and that he loved me…..my son had not felt well for one day which was a Sunday the day before he passed, He was a healthy man never really ever was sick. He was complaining of chest pain and not being able to breathe he was taken via ambulance partial way then transferred to a medical helicopter. Drs told me he had a heart condition and that needed to be put on a ventilator while in the Cath lab he went into cardiac arrest and was pronounced dead @ 10:54…..My life felt like it had ended right then and there, He was my first-born child He was who taught me unconditional love, taught me how to be a mom. I still wait for him to come in my door or call me, the empty lonely feeling is unbearable my tears are never ending, an empty chair @ our table during family gatherings. I have 3 grandchildren that are missing out on an awesome dad, nothing i can say or so to fill that void for them but remind them that he loved them each unconditionally
I lost my beautiful 41 year old son 10 months ago. He is the oldest of my 4 children and not a day goes by that I don’t cry. I carry my grief wherever I am, because I cannot and will not stop thinking about him. My love for him never diminishes and the hole he left will never be filled.
We lost our 40-year-old son on December 23, 2020 at 10;20 in the morning in an automobile crash. The sheriff came to our door and in those few minutes my life was shattered. Everything is different. I still feel like it was a moment ago. I have no one to grieve with. My husband does not talk about much Christopher. My daughter lost her husband 2 years before Christopher died and her grief and raising 4 small children consumes her. I grieve alone and silently. I will never again be the person I was before Christopher died.
I lost my 29 year old son Tyson April 10th 2024. Tyson was my best friend,my boy,my all. I have always protected him close and far since day one. He had a heart attack and was drinking way too much and smoking 1-2 packs a day. Coming from a dad who rarely drinks never smokes and has no issues with this in his whole family it’s a real shock. The pain is Hell and even with his ashes with me and 100’s of pics I feel so lost and cavy stop crying. I miss my buddy so much the mornings are the worst knowing it isn’t just a bad dream
the lost of my 29yr old daughter has torn me apart. a piece of me died that day. it’s been 3yrs. every anniversary takes a piece of me each time. my kids tell me it’ll all be ok, you’ll see her when your time is here. I want to see her now tho. my daughter has 2 lil girls. I’ve always been close to my granddaughters. that is really all that keeps me here. they need me to help navigate thru this that even I know is unfair, hurtful, anger, such pain and sadness. I try to help them but it is just exhausting. I love seeing my daughter in them tho.
My daughter was my best friend all she wanted in life was to have a a love like Mum and Dad after abuse she found her soul mate now she is gone
o
I lost my daughter, age 44, my only child to alcoholism, (Alcohol Use Disorder). The pandemic accelerated it, and my three battles with cancer, as well as her having a son, her dad having been an alcoholic and her life partner drinking did not help. I am unable to get past my guilt for not saving her. I cannot get past blaming others who saw what was happening because they were around her more than I was. I blame the doctors who did not call the authorities and have her committed to get help and therapy. I blame “society”in general for making drinking alcohol so acceptable. I can remember when smoking was so well accepted, and look where we are now with that, we learned our lesson. So why can’t the same be done for alcohol? SO many studies showed how death from alcohol, especially among women is up by almost 35%. My anger, my guilt, my being lost is insurmountable. I have to convince myself to wake up and shower let alone eat and “exist” in this world without her. I raised her as a a single Mom, and we went through a LOT together, we had our trials and troubles that is for sure, but we became SO close. She talked to me about everything and I talked to her about everything too. This thing she hid from me (and others) she became skilled at it, for a while. hen they moved away from me, I did not see her as often, nor see my grandson like I used to when they lived 10 minutes from me. I think she was trying to be that strong tough independent woman she’d become, but to a fault. I think she lost control, and just gave up. it was like a mack truck hitting me the day I got that call from my son in law. My 8 year old grandson had found her in the bedroom “bleeding from her nose” he called 9-1-1 who then called my son in law. I drove to the hospital she was not awake, she was gone. We had just seen her/them four days earlier for her birthday. She was talking, eating, reading, watching a movie. So how could she be dead just days later?
I just found this website and I am overwhelmed by the greif and pain I can feel in this room. I am writing a book of Weeping Wombs because when my brother died in 1993 at the age of 28, my mother bled for 7 days straight. I have never seen or heard of it before or after. So I am doing a research on this unusual greif of mothers and I found you guys. My prayer is that you will find solace in God and frineds, you cannot do it alone otherwise you will definitely change and become reclusive. I wish you all much comfort on your journey as you try to cope with your loss. Lean on the everlasting arms of Jesus and He will carry you through. And hold on to firiends.
This really hits home. I lost my only son, only child and the ache is as strong today as it was the day he died. I am told over and over that it will get better, that there is so much more to live for in this life–and I think What is there? I have lost my heart, my soul, my love–my child. I have lost so many–grandparents, parents, brother, 8 sisters, husband and many friends, but the loss of my child is beyond words, beyond description. There are days I literally cannot breathe–I push myself just to get out of bed, to put one foot ahead of the others. I try hard, very hard, to make it thru one day. Thank you for the article. It says it all
I lost my daughter nearly 8 years ago. She was sick for 20 years and she kept working to keep on keeping on. We did our best to help her. For a long time after we lost her I was still grieving the “before” as I hadn’t caught up with the fact that she was really gone. I refused to believe it though intellectually or on some level I knew as I spent crying and missing her. I still cry very easily. She was our only child. It is the most gut wrenching loss that a human being can have. I want my daughter still. I still want to talk to her. I want to hear her voice. People can be so callous. I mean at 4 months my SIL said to me- “Can’t you just distract yourself???” I’ve had other things said to me as well that simply downright hurt. Though some comments are just simply beyond belief nothing can hurt like the loss, the absence, the huge void, the feeling of my heart being torn to shreds. Unless one has lost a child one cannot get it.
How do you even try to come to terms when losing two children within a three-month span. I lost my youngest son, Thomas in 2019 and two months later my daughter, Carrie. How do you wrap your head and heart in all this pain. One day their here and the next day gone. No one but no one knows the pain unless they have been through it. People say time heals, it doesn’t. Every day there is this void that nothing can fill it. I have people tell me how strong I am because I don’t show my feelings to others. What can I say without wanting to scream how my heart is in a million pieces, like Humdy Dumpty, except the pieces won’t be put back together. Some day when my time on earth is done, I’ll see them again. Until then