By Beth Larson – In 2001 I gave birth to my twin daughters Madelyne and Shirley. They were only 26 weeks gestation, and I had been in the hospital on bed rest because the water around Shirley broke everyday starting at 19 weeks. I was in the hospital for 7 weeks, laying there praying and watching my other two children, Alexander and Emmalynn, ages 3 and 5, come to visit me.  I was terrified, my husband was anxious and the children were scared because Mommy was not at home.

When I went into labor I knew that I had 50/50 odds of viable babies and I also knew that Shirley would be in more critical condition than Madelyne. As soon as they were born I called for the hospital priest to baptize them, and then 12 hours after her first attempt to take a deep breath my Shirley flew home to the angels from my arms. We were devastated, and we still had Maddy fighting for her survival.   I can only say that I would never wish this place of paradoxes on any parent, sorrow that my daughter died and joy that my other daughter lived. The next 3 months we went everyday to the NICU to sit with Maddy. Alex and Emmy went with me as well as my mother. They were such curious little buttons and everyday they asked where their other sister was, and my heart was torn asunder all over again.

The planning of Shirley’s funeral was almost beyond my ability. My husband and I struggled through that week in a daze. The hospital was kind enough to give us a resource packet, but I never found anything that would assist me in explaining what had happened to the other children. Every day they asked and each time I choked on my tears. They had a right to know, and I had no idea how to tell them.

Madelyne is my miracle baby, she has no complications and if you were to meet her today you would never believe my incredible story. I decided in my journey towards healing to write a book.  It is written in meter and easily understood by little children. I illustrated it with pictures of my “superheroes” Alexander, Emmalynn, Madelyne and my husband Justin, so that anyone who picked it up would feel connected to real people. Now, people who find themselves in my situation have a resource to help them explain to their children and even to themselves in a way, what has happened and the realization that joy and hope can be found again, not the same as before, but different.   My older children rescued me from despair, they lifted me on their little baby shoulders and taught me to laugh again, to smile, and to dream again. My fondest wish is that anyone who has lost a child will find comfort in this book, peace and blessings to you.

The title is “Shirley’s Garden.” I chose this because I have always felt guilty for not being comfortable visiting the cemetery. I would go there and see these elaborate gardens people made for their deceased loved ones, and I would think less of myself for not doing the same. Then I wrote the book, and it struck me that this would be my garden to my Shirley.

Please visit www.eloquentbooks.com/ShirleysGarden.html to view Beth’s information page.