Deep within the crevices of our soul, we long for the moments of silence that can take us away from the sights, sounds and feelings that are bombarding us all the time.  In grief, these bombardments seem to be heightened mainly because we don’t know how to turn them off.  You are either too weak, lost, overwhelmed, angry, or rationalizing that you are super-human.

There are so many bombs being dropped that it is hard to find a moment of silence. My experiences during these bombardments left me partially deaf.  What I mean by that is I could sense people talking, the world doing its usual hustle and bustle, animals making their normal noises, and the daily expectations from friends and friends, but it was in a muted world with the dullness of sight, sound, and mostly feelings.  With so many zombie movies on television, I can identify with the zombies in a way, with their far away looks and the disconnect of senses, and numbness throughout the body.

Each of us wants, needs, or must find things that give us silence to stabilize.  It is like being on a teeter totter and standing in the middle.  Balance replaces chaos and brings a little peace.  Some people sleep, some meditate, some go for a walk and sit in a park.  Some read, go to the beach, take a shower or even talk to themselves.  The goal is to find something that takes you away “Calgon” and gives a moment of silence even if just for a few minutes.

I found myself doing all of these. It was a little disconcerting realizing that I was walking, meditating, reading, and talking to myself all at the same time.  Oh well, when you are in grief, people tend to give you more space than they usually would.  Besides, they tend to run from the elephant in the room, so talking to yourself may be the only person you can talk to.  At least that is what I rationalized at the time.

Grief does not have to be a full-time job.  You can take these moments of silence and tap into a much-needed reprieve, because guess what?  Your grief will still be there waiting for you when you get back and trust me, it will be ready to usher you back into the swirling trap of the noise and the confusion that it wants you to hang out in a little longer.

But, my contention is that if you can figure out what moments of silence you would most benefit from, when you do come back into the grief process, it just might be a little less potent each time.  That potential gives us all hope that over time grief will lessen its grip on our lives and slowly fade into the sunset.  It will never completely go away, but you then might be able to recall it whenever you want under your own control and turn it into a memory of life instead of death.

So, why not tell grief to take a back seat for a while and give yourself what you deserve? Maybe over time, these moments of silence will help you move away from griefs clutches in a healthy way.  If nothing else you confused grief and had a little peace at the same time.

~Mike Russell