One Mother’s Day after another passes by since I lost my daughter in September 2006. It does not get easier as years go by. How can this day not intensify my grief after losing one of my three children? Mother’s Day will never be the same ever! This day that used to bring me joy will always be blended with sadness. It is yet another reminder that one of my children left a big void in my home and life.

On this day, I always have this wish to go back in time to when all my three children woke up early on this special day to make me breakfast and bring it to me in bed with their smiling faces, the cards they drew and presents they thoughtfully bought. Unfortunately, such a wish does not come true, but I carry this beautiful memory in my heart all day long every Mother’s Day.

The last time I had a complete Mother’s Day was in 2003 when all my children were still at home. Later that year, my eldest went to university abroad followed by my middle child in 2004. I celebrated the last Mother’s Day with my youngest, my deceased daughter, in 2005. The following year, I had to be away to be with my mother who was undergoing a major operation on that specific day. I always felt that something was missing when one of my children was away on Mother’s Day and other special occasions, but it never occurred to me that I would have such day as a bereaved mother.

My sadness does not need a trigger on this day as it never leaves me but there are things that happen that heighten my feelings more overtly.  I received a Mother’s Day message from a friend that implied that mothers out live their children. My tears flooded my face. Mother’s Day is hard enough for bereaved mothers; alas people tend to forget this. I do hope that mothers do not take for granted their children being alive as much as the children celebrate their mothers. Every moment should be treasured between a mother and her child on this special day and throughout the year, as we can never guarantee that we can have another Mother’s Day together.

All this does not make me forget my blessings. I am very fortunate to have two lovely children and a kind husband who are thoughtful and in their special way try to make Mother’s Day easier on me. They are the ones who evidenced Mother’s Day when my daughter was alive and share the emptiness she left during special occasions that are even more profound on Mother’s Day.

Randah R. Hamadeh

Author,  Summer Rays: Solace to Bereaved Parents