Sameena from Charlotte writes: I am looking for ideas to help my mom. My older brother was murdered and buried in foreign country as a John Doe. We will eventually have him exhumed and have services – it’s just a lot of red tape. I am looking for a way to help my mom grieve by honoring him in some way. I like the quilt idea but I don’t know if my mom has any of his clothes. Do you suggest anything else?
Stephanie Frogge, national crime victim services consultant, responds: How loving you are to want to help your mom express her grief in ways that honor your brother’s memory.
If you can get any of your brother’s clothes, they can certainly be utilized in a quilt or wall hanging, even a teddy bear or sachets. Almost anything tangible can be crafted into a piece of jewelry or placed inside a locket your mom can wear. You might want to consider purchasing or having made a shadow box, special chest, or shelf where photographs and other mementos can be displayed and looked at.
Many bereaved people find it meaningful to create a scrapbook and technology gives us other possibilities including memorial websites and memorial DVDs. There are artists who can create a painting from a photograph, which can be hung in a place of honor. Believe it or not, more and more bereaved parents are choosing to get a memorial tattoo and computerization allows for any image, such as one from a photograph, to be used as a tattoo template. Depending on what your mom might find meaningful, the outdoors opens up other options, including gardens, trees, memorial benches, stepping stones, walls and other items of beauty and reflection.
Your brother’s birth date and death date might be special times when family and friends can come together for a memorial activity. Making that day better for someone else through community service or even just a celebration of his life at his favorite restaurant might be things you can explore. Some families honor their deceased loved ones through special events such as a 5K runs or community picnics. Sometimes these events double as fundraisers for memorial scholarships. You might want to spend some time reflecting on your brother’s interests and hobbies, values and goals to come up with ideas that will not only give your mother meaningful ways to remember her son but also to truly honor his unique life.
And in the midst of your loving care for your mother, I hope you will also recognize and honor your own loss – the tragic death of your precious big brother.
In sorrow, Stephanie
Tags: belongings, funerals, grief, hope, money, signs and connections
Thank you for the great ideas. ! I am dealing with it myself and I am better everyday.