Had this happened a few years ago, it would have been a devastating moment.
I look back on the years since I lost my 17-year old son, Michael, and I see so many important moments. All of them are a part of an incredible journey — a journey that led me to a special and incredible experience this weekend.
I was at the wedding of my good friends, John and Kim, at a beautiful Catholic church in the Hamptons. Going to services of any denomination can sometimes make me emotional. On my way there, I passed Michael’s cross on Sunrise Highway. So, I started thinking about how the loss of my son had created an amazing new life for me. How I share my story with not just my patients, but with all of you, through radio, TV, and the internet. I get great emails from people who have said that my message has touched their lives. I feel so humbled. And I am grateful that I can help others deal with all types of changes and challenges in their lives.
As the wedding went on, and my thoughts continued to wander, I found myself thanking God for having more and more peace, love and joy in my life. I spent so many years of being in the darkness. I now I feel like I’m finally on the right path.
The service continued along and reached the portion where names of departed loved ones are spoken out loud. Usually, the names are from the families of the bride and groom. And as they were spoken, I prayed that both John and Kim’s families had found a way to be at peace with the loss of their loved ones, too.
The last name on this list was my son, Michael Villano. At first, I couldn’t believe my ears — I am just a friend of the family and they honored me by remembering my son on their wedding day? I still get incredibly filled with emotion just thinking about it. For the first five or ten minutes, I couldn’t even speak. That one moment made me feel the closest connection I have ever had with Michael. Time stopped and the love of my son poured into my soul.
Had this happened a few years ago, it would have been a very devastating moment. Naturally, I felt sad. But most importantly, I did not feel wounded. I felt like it was a sign from Michael that my life is on the right track and even better things are in store. How so? Because John came over and shook my hand after hearing me speak about Michael and my book, The Zing, about five years ago. Through our work together, we became personal friends. And our friendship evolved to not only be included at their wedding, but to be so greatly honored by hearing my son’s name in remembrance on their special and blessed day.
I never would have imagined that after years of such deep suffering that I would feel so full of life once again. I can look back now and see that my new life began when I found the courage to enjoy just one, single speck of a good moment. That moment led me to the next. Eventually, that stuck feeling started to go away as those good moments began to add up. I was beginning to honor Michael’s life by living my life once again.
All the best to you, John and Kim, for a long and happy life together. May God always show his blessings to you as you have showed His blessings to me.
Ron Villano 2011
If this is the same Michael I went to Moriches Elementary with and was in my 5th grade class I am so sorry for your loss. He was my friend.