It’s hard for me to believe that March of this year was Lance’s 37 birthday and it will be 12 years this May since he died. It has been even longer for Scott and Erin. As I look back I realize that the passage of time provided some help but other influences in the form of people, events and organizations have had an even greater impact on my journey. So I would like to share some reflections that have helped me with the intent that you might find another piece of the map that may give you hope and help you on this journey of healing.

Any reflection has to start with the DAY. It was Memorial Day 1995. The beginning of summer and we had couple of golden retrievers badly in need of a bath. So Kathy, my wife, and I were out at the barn washing the dogs when two police cars rolled up the driveway. As the parents of boys, this was not an unusual event, so when I walked over to the fence I was thinking, “Who did what now?” After confirming that Lance Robert Malone was my son, the officer said, “There has been an accident and I’m sorry to inform you Lance did not survive.”

As you all know, the rest of it is a fog.

I remember a truck turned left in front of Lance’s motorcycle and he died at the scene. I remember the horrified look on Kathy’s face when I turned around. I remember the heart-wrenching scream by the time I reached her.

Shock, confusion, helplessness, pain.

For the longest time that videotape seemed to be on an endless loop as it replayed over and over in my head. But at some point during the last 12 years, that day and that video has been replaced with another.

It’s the same weekend but it’s Saturday not Monday. It’s not the barn but rather the family room. It’s Lance and not the police. He is so protective of his new motorcycle that he keeps it at our house rather than his apartment. It’s the holiday weekend and he’s here to pick up his bike for some fun. But first, he’s making time for his dad and mom. He’s catching us up on his comings and goings.

It’s the last time we see his smiling Irish eyes but it’s a wonderful memory. I think that the same love that made the original memory so devastating was able to transform that misery into a treasured remembrance.

I cannot tell you exactly when it happened for me, any more than I can tell you if or when it will happen for you. I just know that at some point over these last 12 years the good memories have become much more frequent and the nightmares less intense and less frequent.

To be continued…

Patrick Malone

Tags: , ,

Patrick T. Malone

Patrick T. Malone, a Senior Partner with The PAR Group www.thepargroup.com , has decades of experience in operations, customer service, and sales management. Before joining PAR as a senior consultant in 1989, Patrick worked in a variety of management roles including Vice President - National Sales Manager for American Greetings Corporation and The Scott Companies. As a key member of the PAR team, Patrick has trained and consulted throughout the world with a wide range of organizations including The American Cancer Society, Banfield-The Pet Hospital, Coca-Cola, Delta Air Lines, DuPont, Ft. Dodge Animal Health, Hewlett-Packard, International Securities Exchange, Novell, Sensient Technologies, Siemens Medical, SOLAE, The United Way, and Verizon Wireless. His work with PAR clients has taken him to Canada, Mexico, United Kingdom, Spain, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Brazil, Australia, France and China. A frequent speaker at industry, management and bereavement conferences, he has presented and spoken before the Mississippi VMA and the Delaware VMA; the Frontline Forum at American School of International Management; Argosy University; the business schools at Kennesaw State University and Georgia State University; The American Society of Training and Development; and the Colleges of Veterinary Medicine at Mississippi State University, Iowa State University, Louisiana State University, University of Florida, University of Minnesota, Tufts University, Compassionate Friends national and regional conferences. Patrick is the co-author of the new business book Cracking the Code to Leadership http://thepargroup.com/crackingCode.html Educated at John Carroll University, Patrick is a member of the CEO Action Group of the Metro Atlanta Chamber of Commerce, Small Business Growth Council, Legislative Committee and the Professional Services Executive Roundtable. He has also served as the National Board President of The Compassionate Friends (TCF), Inc., an international support group for bereaved parents and is a former Trustee of the TCF Foundation. He also serves as President of LMMA Inc. www.looktwicesavealifebumperstickers.com, a not-for-profit 501(c)3 corporation dedicated to motorcycle safety and awareness and is the host of the weekly radio show "This Week in Blairsville" Patrick served on the National Board of Compassionate Friends (TCF) from 1999-2005. He served as treasurer from 2000-2003, and was President of the TCF board from 2003-2005. Patrick and his wife Kathy reside in Atlanta, Georgia and are the parents of Bryan, Lance (1970-1995), Scott (1971), Sean and Erin(1974) and the grandparents of Shannah, Devin, Riley, Katie and Megan. Patrick may be contacted at ptm4936@aol.com Patrick appeared on the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart to discuss Grief in the Workplace. To listen to his interview with Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley062305.mp3

More Articles Written by Patrick T.