I went back to work a couple of weeks after Lance’s death.

I was very fortunate to have a caring and compassionate work environment. My partners and associates covered for me while I was off. When I returned they asked me how Kathy was doing. They spoke Lance’s name. They asked how his brothers, Bryan and Sean, were holding up. They talked about the accident. They offered any assistance my family needed.

I was back to work for a couple of months when one of my partners came into my office, closed the door and said, “We are very sad that Lance was killed and we expect that it is devastating for your family. However, we did not cause his death. You are very angry and you are taking that anger out on all of us. We would like for it to stop.”

Needless to say I was flabbergasted. Sure I knew I was angry. I was angry at the truck driver. I was angry with the county solicitor who was dragging his feet on filing charges. I was angry with myself because I had bought the boys a dirt bike when they were little and bought Lance his first street bike at age 16. I was even angry with Lance. If he had been going a little slower or a little faster the accident would not have happened.

But I thought I was keeping all that anger under control at work. That evening I thought about what my partner had said and realized he was right. I was angry and I was angry with them and I knew exactly the reason why.

So at the Friday staff meeting I apologized for my anger and told them why I was angry with them. In all their caring and compassion, they never once asked me how I was doing or how I was feeling. It was emotional. Not anger just tears.

Then I really surprised myself. I told them exactly what I needed from them. Now you may not find this unusual but up to that point throughout my entire adult life, I was the one who people went to when they needed help. I was the cool head under fire, the fixer, the problem solver.

It’s bad enough that I’m going to these support group meetings and sharing my thoughts and feelings with strangers. But here I am telling my partners and associates my innermost feelings and then asking for their help. Surely this is the apocalypse.

Well as I discovered, the world did not end. In fact things improved significantly at work.

Reflecting back, I’ve come to realize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness which is a huge revelation for some of us. Secondly well-intentioned, good people want to help and simply don’t know how.

Again I think it is our love of our children that helps us help them learn how best to help us.

To be continued…

Patrick T. Malone

Tags: , , , ,

Patrick T. Malone

Patrick T. Malone, a Senior Partner with The PAR Group www.thepargroup.com , has decades of experience in operations, customer service, and sales management. Before joining PAR as a senior consultant in 1989, Patrick worked in a variety of management roles including Vice President - National Sales Manager for American Greetings Corporation and The Scott Companies. As a key member of the PAR team, Patrick has trained and consulted throughout the world with a wide range of organizations including The American Cancer Society, Banfield-The Pet Hospital, Coca-Cola, Delta Air Lines, DuPont, Ft. Dodge Animal Health, Hewlett-Packard, International Securities Exchange, Novell, Sensient Technologies, Siemens Medical, SOLAE, The United Way, and Verizon Wireless. His work with PAR clients has taken him to Canada, Mexico, United Kingdom, Spain, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Brazil, Australia, France and China. A frequent speaker at industry, management and bereavement conferences, he has presented and spoken before the Mississippi VMA and the Delaware VMA; the Frontline Forum at American School of International Management; Argosy University; the business schools at Kennesaw State University and Georgia State University; The American Society of Training and Development; and the Colleges of Veterinary Medicine at Mississippi State University, Iowa State University, Louisiana State University, University of Florida, University of Minnesota, Tufts University, Compassionate Friends national and regional conferences. Patrick is the co-author of the new business book Cracking the Code to Leadership http://thepargroup.com/crackingCode.html Educated at John Carroll University, Patrick is a member of the CEO Action Group of the Metro Atlanta Chamber of Commerce, Small Business Growth Council, Legislative Committee and the Professional Services Executive Roundtable. He has also served as the National Board President of The Compassionate Friends (TCF), Inc., an international support group for bereaved parents and is a former Trustee of the TCF Foundation. He also serves as President of LMMA Inc. www.looktwicesavealifebumperstickers.com, a not-for-profit 501(c)3 corporation dedicated to motorcycle safety and awareness and is the host of the weekly radio show "This Week in Blairsville" Patrick served on the National Board of Compassionate Friends (TCF) from 1999-2005. He served as treasurer from 2000-2003, and was President of the TCF board from 2003-2005. Patrick and his wife Kathy reside in Atlanta, Georgia and are the parents of Bryan, Lance (1970-1995), Scott (1971), Sean and Erin(1974) and the grandparents of Shannah, Devin, Riley, Katie and Megan. Patrick may be contacted at ptm4936@aol.com Patrick appeared on the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart to discuss Grief in the Workplace. To listen to his interview with Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley, click on the following link: www.voiceamericapd.com/health/010157/horsley062305.mp3

More Articles Written by Patrick T.