As time “slips” by in my healing from loss of spouse, and I find my way to enter again into life, there seems to be more and more sliding from side to side. I’m trying to find my footing on a path unexplored.
It was easy being a mother, wife and co creator of a family life. Two daughters, two cats, one dog and two parents under one roof. Consensus was not always possible, but we worked as a team, dreamed as a team and lived together for 23 years. When my husband died, the girls and I felt unstable and ill suited to carry on.
Our stable, four-sided box was now down to three.
Stepping outside the collapsed box did not appear to help. I knew the corners and lengths of the sides even though sometimes the lid blew off of it.
From a four-sided structure to a three-sided structure, from one man and three women to three women, all grieving, all in different ways, all apart from each other since we no longer lived under the same roof. We needed more from the other one, but in our own grief, finding support for the other was a mysterious path.
The triangle is a strong base of support. Think about the three-legged stool or even the Holy Trinity. Three can support itself and more in grief.
I was so attracted to the number three. On the first Easter without my husband, I went away without family, but with old friends to the ski country. They skied, I read and had my own Easter vigil. I did purchase three porcelain eggs with tiny black metal feet coming out of them, each of the feet going a different direction. Each egg aligned in a different way. The eggs were “birthing” themselves and there was pleasure in their playfulness.
One spring day, the dog’s tail wacked one egg to the floor. It shattered. I was upset and frustrated. Okay, what can I do? Throw it away or reassemble it.
Life after loss is like that. It is time to reassemble, taking with you what works and throwing away what does not serve you anymore. I did not want to be angry so I glued what I could and put the egg back with the two other chicks on the ledge.
So in your loss, in your grief… whatever shape your life has been, there is a shape that will support you. The wonderful thing about shapes is that we can morph with them. May each step your take, each fall you make and each thought you think bring you closer and closer to what is perfect for you today.
Susan Reynolds 2011
Tags: anger, Depression, guilt, signs and connections
Hi Susan,
Your words are very true. I too lost my husband and we are now three. Two daughters, two dogs, however one dog has now died so the numbers keep going down. Every day, I have to remember that it is ok to keep going on. It was very hard in the beginning for the three of us, but now two years later, we have adopted to the fact that it is now us. It has gotten easier, but the pain is so still so fresh, that it sometimes feels like it was only yesterday. But you are right, each step that we take brings us closer together and creates the family that we have become.
@ Rosemary,
One thing that my one daughter and I discussed about family traditions was that they were traditions created by the four of us.. so now it a time to create others and add onto the four. My daughters did not realize that those family traditions happened in an instant from an idea to do something, then kept on doing it! ( like the red mouse on top of the Christmas tree that came from an old package). Think about adding to…. I am preaching to myself most of the time and am glad to have heard from you Rosemary.. Any ideas and insights welcomed.. With love S