Pain After a Child Dies
I’ll say this clearly: parents aren’t expected to live to bury their children. And when we do, the impact can be heartbreaking, devastating. Although the wounds mend, they are never fully healed—especially during holidays, birthdays, graduations, wedding ceremonies, and even when embracing someone else’s child or grandchild.
In the beginning, the tears flowed outwardly, but later they would flow inwardly. Eventually, I found some comfort. Certain things did help, like the day the nurse came and stated, “I wanted you to know we didn’t let her die alone. When it was time, I stayed with her and held her in my arms until the end. I told her how much you loved her and that we all will miss her. For you, I hope this gives some comfort, knowing she wasn’t alone.”
Seeking Comfort
Although I was grateful, still I longed to be there as a parent. Through all this, I could not let go without making one dream come alive. The mortuary that held her remains was Gatling’s Chapel on 101st and Halsted.
Dana had picked out the most elegant white and gold casket. There she laid, dressed in a long, white lace bridal gown, wearing pearl earrings with a glossy red lipstick, and looking beautiful as an angel bride. Inside that beautifully white, satin-bedded coffin, there alongside were her little stuffed animals for comfort as she slept. My angel, my daughter, her beauty lived on as she married into another life.
Love Is
Love is a mixture of joy, grief, melancholy, and blueness.
Knowing that I will never love someone else the way I have loved you makes life worthwhile.
Love is those emotions that no one else can experience.
Furthermore, these feelings will always and forever be dear to me as I embrace them.
Love is like water spilling out of those tears that fall to mourn your departure.
My love for you is the ability to never have to say goodbye.
Life can be an agonizing undertaking when a loved one passes away. That is a journey no one should travel alone, nor have it swept under the rug. After ongoing therapy, I’ve come to the realization her bravery had been the catalyst for my own inner strength.
Excerpted from the book Not a Blueprint It’s the Shoe Prints that Matter / A Journey Through Toxic Relationships:
Learn more about the author: www.ninanorstrom.com
Tags: birthdays, coping with a loss, graduations, grief, holidays, memories linger forever
