If you have recently lost a loved one, you may think your holidays are going to be painful, difficult and unbearable. However, facing the holidays alone for the first time does not have to depressing. When you get depressed, you are not allowing yourself to fully grieve and feel your emotions.
If you look underneath the surface and seek meaning in your grief experience, you create rich, deep and meaningful holidays for yourself. Take each day as it comes. One step at a time. Learning how to stay with yourself in bereavement will lead to better mental and emotional health and a more enjoyable life.
One of the advantages of giving yourself the luxury to grieve properly is that you slow down enough to get in the moment. Being in the moment is the only way to reach genuine fulfillment and happiness. Yes, during bereavement, being in the moment is painful.
However, when you feel the real emotional pain in your heart, it leads to far greater riches. When you get in the moment and learn to live in the moment, your moments of grief change into moments of happiness and joy. You do not have to finish grieving before you experience joy.
This change from grief to joy happens naturally in the moment. You will find the more you feel genuine pain, the more you feel genuine joy. Your emotions can change while washing the dishes and remembering how much you loved your loved one. You could experience joy during the holidays as you grieve.
So, take time for yourself during the holidays to be in the moment. Some moments will be full of grief and some will be full of joy. If you let go of depression and avoidance, you feel more alive and richer for the bereavement experience.
Here are seven ways to survive the holidays
1. Send your inner critic out in the cold. Stop judging yourself for being sad and lonely. Stay away from people who feel sorry for you or think you should be over it.
2. Get to touch with what you need and want. Make a list of what helps you feel better. Comfort is one thing you need for sure. Comfort yourself in all sorts of ways from food to baths to soft clothes.
3. Spend time with people who love you. Have friends and family members around who care about you. Just being with them feels good. You do not have to talk much, just feel them.
4. Express your grief and other feelings creatively. Hum, write, dance, paint and act. Writing is very therapeutic. Expressing your feelings and emotions during bereavement will make it shorter and sweeter. Invite Shakespeare out for a stroll in the cold.
5. Enjoy little things about your own company. What do you like about yourself? Do you enjoy your sense of humor? Appreciate your authentic self? Nourishing self-love leads to faster emotional healing and better holistic health.
6. Honor and let go of your loved one. Write down all the things you love about the person you are grieving. Create a meaningful ritual to honor her. Acknowledge how important he was to you and thank them him for sharing life with you. Say goodbye to her or him as it feels good to do so.
7. Spend time in nature. Mother earth is the source of healing energy and strength. Connect with her to help you find your inner strengths. Trees comfort and love you as you grieve your loss. Hang out with them, let nature’s energy heal your grieving heart.
About the Author
Dr. Doris Jeanette a licensed psychologist, author of “Opening the Heart” and 16 personal growth products has 38 years of clinical experience helping people heal their broken hearts. Sign up for Dr. Jeanette’s, free holistic psychology newsletter, “The Vibrant Moment” at (www.drjeanette.com/loss.html)
These seem reasonable to me, after 4 1/2 years of grieving my daughter, but the first year she died, no way would have this helped me. And some of these suggestions are ok for a grieving parent, but others not so much. Since it’s not natural to outlive your child, the horror, pain, and un-lived life that is lost just adds to the pain and sense of loss and grief I suffer and other parents suffer. Although it eases, it never fully goes away, the holidays just make it worse for many of us.
I am sure you are correct Cindy. Sometimes, nothing can ease the pain until it has been fully experienced. The more you feel the pain and the more your loss is expressed, the easier it becomes to face each day and the holidays. It helps to pay attention to the love and beauty you shared with your daughter.
Thank you.Losing a child is so painful.
Thank you for your appreciation. Yes, losing a child is so painful. Do not blame yourself and use guilt against yourself. Let me know if any of my suggestions help you.
i lost my son December 22,2013
The pain in your heart must be great from losing your son. It is hard to feel bad and if you stay with yourself in the pain and express it, even your great loss will move and change into something lighter. Sending you comfort and pink hugs to keep you warm during the holidays.
Very helpful information!
Laurie, Thank you for your appreciation. Let me know how you benefit from using some of the suggestions. The hard part is to stay with yourself in a loving and comforting way so you can feel the pain. Feeling the pain is what helps you heal and move forward instead of getting stuck in depression. I am grieving the end of my mother’s life during theses holidays and the anguish is great. As I feel my way through another loss I feel so much better after a good cry. To help me access my tears, I go to nature and find great comfort.