Our youngest son, Clint, died at the age of 20 in 2005. During the early times of my grief, a bereaved mom suggested that screaming was a good outlet for tension. She recounted her screaming sessions. Try as I might, I could not bring myself to scream.
Almost 3 years after Clint’s death, I was on a long isolated drive in the west. My sister was on a Rim-to-Rim hike and it was my job to meet her on the other side of the Canyon. The trip took me through miles of roadway on which I never met another car. Suddenly out of nowhere the desire to scream came upon me. For some reason it seemed like the thing to do during this time of solitude. So I poured out my deepest pain in screams, cries and wails. After the outpouring of my heart’s longings, I composed myself and continued my present mission. I met my sister at our agreed location and gave little thought to my earlier endeavor of screaming.
The sun was setting and creating some awesome photo moments. We passed several pull-off areas before we agreed we would stop at the next one for pictures. Just as I was turning the car to park, my sister excitedly called out for me to look. I was thinking that she had seen another beauty of nature, but instead there on one of the rock faces someone had etched “Klint and Stacy.” Many feelings rushed through my mind. At first I was thrilled, but then I began to doubt the sign was for me since the spelling of Clint was slightly different. And I did not understand the connection to Stacy?
Then a friend pointed out to me that there were 8 letters between the letter C and the letter K. My Clint died in August, which is the 8th month of the year. She also pointed out that the one meaning of Stacy is resurrection. Now I was sure the sign was for me. I believe it was a message of hope. A message telling me that my cries had been heard and that Clint was safe in another place.
Debra Reagan 2012
Hi Debra, be that as it may, I enjoy your posts. As a greiving mom myself, when I read your words, I get it. We know of course that only a greiveing mom “gets” it. There are times in my days that I too have thought of screaming but it won’t come out. Maybe one day when I am alone like you were, it will come out. I find signs very comforting myself. Of course sometimes I think that they aren’t signs, as you did because there is something different, be it the name, date, place, etc but I believe that these ARE signs and they make us think. Whatever helps is all that matters in my book. I take any and all signs I can from Davey. We will forever look for signs until we see them again. Hugs to you my friend. Thanks for the posts!!
Hello Anita,
Thank you so much for your sweet words of understanding and encouragement. I believe the mother and child connection continues after death in many ways. It took me awhile to share this because the connections seem so personal.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my post and for sharing with me.
Hugs,
Debra