Hopefully that summer is right around the corner (yeah right) it was hailing here in Michigan today, it is the time for year for everyone to take inventory and do the dreaded spring cleaning.   Mostly, spring cleaning consists of getting rid of past stuff to make room for future stuff.   Basically in the end every year, it is a recycling of some stuff always.   A sense of real accomplishment comes with a good spring cleaning as new hope arises that your literal house will stay that way the whole year, if not for just a week.

Last year when we did some spring cleaning at my mom’s house, it was an emotional time.   We had finally decided that after two and a half years, it was finally time to clean out my Dad’s closet of all of his clothes, shoes, belts and ties.   We had talked about it for some time, and realized that it was time for all of us as a family to tackle the job.   I thought it was going to be a very rough experience for everyone in our family and they again surprised me, because I was wrong.  We were very organized, systematic, and no one broke down.   We had bags full of shirts, ties, coats, sweatshirts, etc.   It looked like the men’s sections of Macy’s in there.   We carefully wrote everything down and the value of each item. As a family we decided it would be best to donate the clothes to the Salvation Army.   My Dad would have never wanted those clothes to go to waste knowing somebody could possibly benefit from them.

We found a box that he kept all of our cards and gifts that we had given to him over the years and it was funny looking through some of the macaroni glued pictures and cards that had none of the words spelled right on them.   The most important part of the day was that it moved our family toward another step of closure, especially my mom.   It is tough to look at a closet full of clothes and nobody to wear any of them.   I am glad that she was the one who decided that she was ready and we were ready to help in the cause.

I kept three of his ties and they were coincedentally the three ties that I bought him as gifts for birthdays or Christmas growing up.   I must say that even when I was little, I still didn’t have very good taste.   Thank god, for stripes.   I might not ever wear those ties, but it is the significance of having them.   I have his ties, my grandpa’s wallet, and my other grandpa’s watch.   It is just a small, but significant, reminder that a little part of them is always with you.   Three things to remember when spring cleaning:

1. Acknowledge the past-Remembering those good memories is what gets us through the day sometimes and lets us know that we are going to be OK in the future.

2. Clean when YOU are ready-Don’t force this.   Some people can clean a closet of keepsakes immediately after a person passes away, some never do.   It is all an individual choice.   Respect the choices that are being made for their are good reasons behind each and every one of them.

3. Look forward to a new beginning-It is definitely part of the healing process to acknowledge that you are OK with moving on from the loss of your loved one.   It could be a closet that you are cleaning, selling that person’s car, or putting their picture away.   Whatever it is, accept it as part of your growth into healing.

I am glad we did our “spring cleaning”, I just do not want to ever do it again.

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad…