Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Grieving Through the Holidays

Thursday, October 24, 2024

Grieving Through the Holidays I know I’m not the only one who is feeling the effects of the season. Grieving during “normal” times is a full-time job.  Throw in 2 or 3 holidays back-to-back and whatever milestones we might have in the middle…well…we’re all working on nervous breakdowns of epic proportions. I think one of the cruelest things about the holidays (and this may just be me) is that we’re dealing with something we used to look forward to so much. And it’s turned into something we can barely get through. My first Christmas without my husband was definitely the hardest.  […]

Death of a Spouse

Cleaning Out the Closet of a Deceased Loved One

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Cleaning Out the Closet With the longer days of summer upon us, it might be the right time to tackle the organizing of your spouse/partner’s personal belonging. “Cleaning out your closets” presents a significant challenge for most widows – the overwhelming thought of going through your deceased loved ones belongings and trying to decide what do with the items is by far one of the hardest pieces of widowhood.  When referring to “cleaning out the closets,” it is not just the bedroom; it includes the home office, the work office, the garage, the basement and the pile of papers that […]

Death of a Spouse

Five Years into Widowhood, Life Goes On

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Five Years into Widowhood I still can’t believe that he is gone, and perhaps I never will.  And that’s all right.  I never thought that I would be alone, and in my mind, I know that being alone is the hardest thing that I will ever have to do.  If you have lost the love of your life, then you know what I am talking about. You confront the same unbearable pain and heartbreak each day as I do, and you too have loneliness as your constant companion. It has been five years since Eddie died.  My friends and family […]

Bereavement, Death of a Child, Open to Hope

About Your Room: Letting Go of a Son’s Belongings

Thursday, February 16, 2023

Dismantling the Room Your blue camo backpack hung on the back of your desk chair with your Pittsburgh Penguins baseball cap on top of it for eight years. It was as you left it on the last day of school before the Christmas holidays in 2012. It was September 2020; I was in your room with a mug of dark roast and my phone. We had decided to replace the wall-to-wall carpeting upstairs. The installers were coming the next day and I was on deadline. Both Dad and Iz were out of town. The task of dismantling your room came […]

Death of a Spouse

What to Do With a Loved One’s Possessions

Friday, May 21, 2021

Definition of Loved One’s Possessions Until Rod’s passing, I was unaware of the true significance of a personal possession – something belonging just to you, something that doesn’t have meaning to anyone but you. The night I learned of Rod’s death, I returned home from the hospital to the house we shared as a family. The realization that he was never coming home took my breath away. In a rage of anger, I grabbed his toothbrush and threw it violently across the room. I was so angry that he had passed, leaving me with such uncertainty. Of course, his untimely […]

Death of a Spouse, Your Grief

Recovery in Pieces

Thursday, October 31, 2019

It’s been many years, many miles, and many tears since the early, raw days of being widowed. The life I am living now is one I would never have recognized as mine when I walked down the aisle to take the hand of my soon to be husband. And, yet, it is of my own making. Completely designed and created by me with an incredible amount of effort, courage, and support from people who love me. Pieces from the Past Bits and pieces of the past are peppered throughout the life I am living without Gary. His artwork, a painting […]

Open to Hope

Can You Grieve for a Place?

Friday, September 6, 2019

My husband and I are moving in a month. He is paraplegic. I’m recovering from open heart surgery and have a pig valve in my heart. These factors made us decide to move to a place with support services. We are leaving our wheelchair-friendly town home and moving to a senior living community. Though the decision is the right one, when I look around our town home I feel sad. I grieve for a lost lifestyle. Our apartment is in the independent living part of the building, yet we won’t be totally independent. Wherever we go, we will be surrounded […]

Open to Hope

Pieces of You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Today, I gave away another piece of you. A piece that’s traveled with me for thousands of miles back and forth between Los Angeles and Canada and other places. A piece that’s been with me for 17 years. In the days, months, and years since your passing, I’ve let go of small and big parts of you and of us. In the early days, I tore through the house, purging it of any sign of your illness. Perhaps I was trying to get us back to the time before your diagnosis when all was well…when you were well. Weeks into […]

Death of a Child

A Mama Finds Memories in a Duplo Box

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

In my closet sits one duplo box filled with handwritten cards.  The cards were for my little boy Daniel.  The boy is now gone, but the cards written to him still remain. When we moved from the house where Daniel lived, Daniel didn’t get to go with us.  But the yellow duplo box with cards did.  A few of the cards he’d received were after hs first surgery before we knew the lump in his neck was cancer. Most were sent to him during the months he was treated at UNC-Hospitals. The duplo box had been where he’d stored all […]

Open to Hope, Your Grief

My Heart and Me: A Poem

Thursday, July 25, 2013

My heart and me Is all I need to be complete; I could try to stand But can’t Unless I know it’s for my heart and me. I couldn’t see With just me So I made sure I still had my heart To come along with me. My heart would have worn away long ago From the exhaustion of being on my sleeve But for me—it kept beating And for my heart—I kept breathing We were meant to be, My heart and me. And I can’t love without thee, My heart And my heart can’t circulate blood Without me It […]