Death of a Spouse

Widowhood: The TV Reality Series

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Do you ever think that the networks are missing out on the ultimate reality series?  What has more drama, sick humor, running mascara, and (sometimes) hair-pulling than widowhood? When I think of the millions that could have been made on my life in the last few years, it seems like such a waste.  Anyone with a camcorder could have followed me around discreetly as I annoyed family members, shocked random bystanders, and started my own wine bottle recycling program and they would have been set for life.  (If you’re reading this and you’re a producer, shoot me an email.) Forgive […]

Death of a Child

How ‘Forced Change’ Healed My Life

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Have you been forced out of a job?  Are you facing a health issue?  Are you a victim of a crime?  Have you lost a loved one unexpectedly? Then you know that forced change embraces your life in an instant. And that is where my message starts.  I experienced “forced change” when my 17-year old son, Michael, died in an auto accident.  But, years later, I now see that losing Michael wasn’t the only reason my life hit rock bottom.  I wound up down there because the forced change took hold of me and began to drag me down. Naturally, […]

Death of a Spouse

In Widow’s World, Living With Purpose is Hard

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I was really good at living with intention before my husband died.  I was good about doing things with good reason and being thoughtful, even purposeful, about what I did and how I did it.  I had the luxury of more time to think through my decisions and even more important I think, I had someone to share those decisions, reasons, and purpose with. I think for me, it felt more intentional with a witness near. Since widowhood began, I have been through many phases, stages, whatever we might call them.  One of the stages I have the most difficulty […]

Open to Hope

Boarders Without Borders: How New Events Trigger Old Grief

Monday, May 30, 2011

Have you ever had an unseen boarder that caused emotional turmoil, penetrating all of your carefully closeted borders and refusing to leave? Only recently did I recognize unresolved grief as an emotional boarder that relentlessly hung on for too many years.  Now that I am nearing life’s sunset, some of my daily patterns have begun to be more clearly understood. It wasn’t until my Aunt Stella died that the grief I felt from losing my mother had never really been resolved. Mother had passed away three months before Aunt Stella’s death, having fought a courageous battle against a rare form of […]

Open to Hope

After Hospice Experience, Woman Volunteers

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I had been thinking about becoming a hospice volunteer for a while.  It would come to me as a passing thought every now and then. I would consider it for a bit and then put aside.  Little did I know just how soon and how clearly my indecision would be reconciled. Our local hospice house is on the outskirts of town on what used to be a farm place.  There is a windmill and a few trees but farm fields mostly surround the house.  It looks like a home – not a place of death.  I had tour a shortly […]

Death of a Sibling

What To Do With a Loved One’s Possessions?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

What to do with your loved one’s possessions? Less than two months after my sister’s murder, her 24-year-old daughter (my niece) called and asked for my help.   My sister owned her home and the insurance company would pay for a total restoration; however, everything had to be removed from the home before the restoration could begin. When my niece was talking to me about this, I realized I was holding my breath.  My sister was murdered in her home and now, we had to walk into that home and clear it of all her possessions.  Of course, I told my […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

Grieving With Help After My Son’s Suicide

Sunday, March 20, 2011

We were not left alone after our son, Joshua, died by suicide. People from across the states took the time to listen and some cried with us. It would take pages to mention them by name, but because of who he was to Joshua, I’ll chose one. After Joshua’s memorial, when the hall emptied out and the doors locked, Dana, Joshua’s childhood friend, stood with my husband and me and asked questions. “Why do you think Joshua did this? What was his frame of mind like before it happened?” And other such inquiries. What Dana did from then on was stay […]

Death of a Grandparent

‘Honest Grief’ Helps 10-Year-Old Deal With Grandpa’s Death

Monday, March 7, 2011

I was ten, playing with my friend across the street from Grandma and Grandpa’s bungalow.  I was so grown-up now. I  got to ride the bus ALL ALONE  to visit, and it was a 3-hour trip! We were on the porch, and I looked up to see Grandma crashing out the back door, running toward the backyard. Without thinking, I hopped up, crossed the street yelling, “Grandma, what’s wrong?”  I found Grandma kneeling over Grandpa, who had been in a very tall tree trimming the branches.  I didn’t think much about Grandma going back in the house as I kneeled by Grandpa […]

Death of a Child

The Highway of Life: Get Back on the Bus!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The bus stopped for you at GRIEF, and as you stepped off, you sank into an abyss of pain and sorrow, like nothing you had experienced before.   You don’t have to stay forever in this inhospitable place. Get back on the bus now! When we experience the loss of a loved one, we can feel totally powerless as the feelings associated with grief wreak havoc in our lives. In the short term, we may have little control over our life and go through the motions in survival mode only. We wonder if we will ever feel some degree of peace […]

Death of a Parent

Grieving at a Young Age

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

In the last nine months, I’ve had the privilege of hearing from several people who have lost loved ones. I know it sounds strange to put it that way but after starting MamaQuest.org and Trauma2art.com, I became an available listener. Because I shared my experience of grief, people feel safe to tell me their story. Hearing these stories is both cathartic for them and comforting for me. I quickly realized everyone’s experience is unique, but we all share a common problem: how do we cope? We also share a bond for seeking to understand what we are going through. Being […]