Death of a Child

How We Heal After the Death of a Child

Monday, April 22, 2024

The death of a child is so profound, it’s like no other loss. There’s no such thing as getting over the death of a child. Instead, bereaved parents must learn to adapt to a new life without our child’s physical presence. It’s part of the long, slow process of healing after the death of a child. Devastating Pain If you’re never fully healed after a child’s death, how can you gauge your healing progress? The intense pain after my 4-year-old daughter’s death felt devastating and unbearable. The most common question from newly bereaved parents in child loss support groups is […]

Bereavement, Death of a Child, Your Grief

Merry Go Round and Round: Rhythms of Grief

Monday, January 22, 2024

Merry Go Round My mom made it a priority to take me and my siblings to the Smithsonian to visit the touring exhibits that came through the D.C. museums. I am the eldest of four, and amidst our collective moans and groans over another trek downtown from the suburbs in her diesel station wagon, my mom promised a ride or two on the lone carousel on the National Mall as a treat. I loved the carousel; I remember when it was installed in 1981. We were delighted by what seemed a whimsical addition to the stately mall. A blue and […]

Bereavement, Death of a Child, Open to Hope

About Your Room: Letting Go of a Son’s Belongings

Thursday, February 16, 2023

Dismantling the Room Your blue camo backpack hung on the back of your desk chair with your Pittsburgh Penguins baseball cap on top of it for eight years. It was as you left it on the last day of school before the Christmas holidays in 2012. It was September 2020; I was in your room with a mug of dark roast and my phone. We had decided to replace the wall-to-wall carpeting upstairs. The installers were coming the next day and I was on deadline. Both Dad and Iz were out of town. The task of dismantling your room came […]

Bereavement, Death of a Child

A Son’s Belongings Bring Longings

Friday, March 19, 2021

Since my son Daniel died on February 28, 2014, the month of February has been rife with memories, his ghost popping up seemingly at whim.  His presence and absence coalesce, disorienting me. His winter jacket still hangs in our basement laundry room.  It never made its way to Goodwill. Sometimes, as I’m doing the wash, it jumps out at me, causing me to momentarily think, “He must be okay if his jacket is still there. Why would a dead person own a jacket”? It’s the same with his eyeglasses. We never disposed of them even though the Prada frames could […]

Bereavement, Death of a Child

Eight New Year’s Eves Ago

Saturday, January 16, 2021

There is a collective sigh of relief as we ring in 2021, and yet there is also mounting loss and unattended grief. For those of us who have been learning to live newly after the death of our own loves, we know that healing will take time and attention. Our own son Mack died 8 years ago today, two weeks shy of his ninth birthday. It still takes my breath away. How I long to see his teddy bear eyes and laugh together on the couch. I sense his joyful presence. I picture him running, his long legs stretched out, […]

Death of a Child

What’s the Difference When Grieving For a Child?

Monday, April 6, 2020

The loss of any loved one is a terrible blow that hurts our hearts and leaves us inconsolable. However, when a parent loses a child, it’s a different type of grief that can be one of the toughest to overcome. I personally believe that you never “overcome”grieving for a child. But, that the sting can become less and you can learn to tolerate the pain somewhat better as time – like many years – goes by. Grieving For a Child The baring of this pain also depends on the cause. A child dying in unbearable pain is different than a […]

Death of a Child

A Funeral, a Wedding, Graduations and One Unwanted Guest

Saturday, June 22, 2019

It has been six and a half years since our son, Mack, died suddenly on New Year’s Eve 2012, just shy of his ninth birthday. As the many of us who learn to live newly after loss, we take it on as a part of our lives and learn to carry Mack with us through life. So, as we entered this spring season of passages including a funeral, a wedding, and a handful of graduations, I was surprised by my fatigue. I have learned enough over the years to recognize when something is calling for my attention. In some ways […]

Open to Hope

The Wound Time Won’t Heal

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Time heals all wounds. We’ve all heard it. Sounds incredibly hopeful for someone who’s drowning in grief. Except when time doesn’t heal your wound.  Not enough time. It’s been years since my 4-year-old daughter, Margareta, died. She died exactly 29 days after her fourth birthday. That means we had 1,489 glorious days to spend with her — the only daughter in a family full of boys. One of my grandmothers died at the age of 98. My other grandmother is well into her 90s. Based on those genes, I can probably expect to live until close to a century old. […]

Death of a Child

Adrift in A Sea of Grief

Monday, November 5, 2018

I am adrift in an endless sea of grief. As I float along, the world continues to go on around me as if I am walking among the bustling crowds—but my feet haven’t touched dry land since September 30, 2009. It was on that day—the day my 4-year-old daughter drowned—I was unwillingly thrust into this watery journey. Drowning in Despair Without warning—and in a matter of moments—my daughter’s sudden death unleashed a monstrous tsunami of indescribable pain that was so huge and so dense, it blocked out the light of the sun. In complete darkness, it crashed down upon me […]

Death of a Child

Keep the Door to Your Soul Open

Sunday, December 17, 2017

I was given a pocket size daily devotional after Mack died called “Healing After Loss” written by Martha Whitmore Hickman, who was also a bereaved parent. I carried it in my purse for two years until the binding weakened, the cover fell off, and each page was dotted with notes and stained with my tears. One of the daily reflections was actually credited to her own grandmother, who had also lost a child. She wrote, “Keep the door to your soul open” to your loved one. This notion struck me and I copied it down in my own journal. I had begun to experience a variety of dreams, visions, […]