Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Grieving Through the Holidays

Thursday, October 24, 2024

Grieving Through the Holidays I know I’m not the only one who is feeling the effects of the season. Grieving during “normal” times is a full-time job.  Throw in 2 or 3 holidays back-to-back and whatever milestones we might have in the middle…well…we’re all working on nervous breakdowns of epic proportions. I think one of the cruelest things about the holidays (and this may just be me) is that we’re dealing with something we used to look forward to so much. And it’s turned into something we can barely get through. My first Christmas without my husband was definitely the hardest.  […]

Death of a Spouse

Cleaning Out the Closet of a Deceased Loved One

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Cleaning Out the Closet With the longer days of summer upon us, it might be the right time to tackle the organizing of your spouse/partner’s personal belonging. “Cleaning out your closets” presents a significant challenge for most widows – the overwhelming thought of going through your deceased loved ones belongings and trying to decide what do with the items is by far one of the hardest pieces of widowhood.  When referring to “cleaning out the closets,” it is not just the bedroom; it includes the home office, the work office, the garage, the basement and the pile of papers that […]

Death of a Spouse

Five Years into Widowhood, Life Goes On

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Five Years into Widowhood I still can’t believe that he is gone, and perhaps I never will.  And that’s all right.  I never thought that I would be alone, and in my mind, I know that being alone is the hardest thing that I will ever have to do.  If you have lost the love of your life, then you know what I am talking about. You confront the same unbearable pain and heartbreak each day as I do, and you too have loneliness as your constant companion. It has been five years since Eddie died.  My friends and family […]

Death of a Parent, Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope

How to Survive a Memorial Service by Eating All the Cookies

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

Dad Helped Plan His Memorial Service We had a memorial service for my dad. He helped plan the shindig. He picked the songs for the video slideshow, asked me to speak, and requested that his older sister, Kathy, co-lead the service. Dad requested that his grandsons play music. And he did not want a viewing. He wanted to be cremated. He had a hand in the whole thing. It was one of the strange gifts of cancer, the time to talk about the ending. Honestly, I’m sad that he wasn’t able to attend. I think he would have had a […]

Open to Hope

Pieces of You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Today, I gave away another piece of you. A piece that’s traveled with me for thousands of miles back and forth between Los Angeles and Canada and other places. A piece that’s been with me for 17 years. In the days, months, and years since your passing, I’ve let go of small and big parts of you and of us. In the early days, I tore through the house, purging it of any sign of your illness. Perhaps I was trying to get us back to the time before your diagnosis when all was well…when you were well. Weeks into […]

Death of a Parent, Open to Hope, Your Grief

Comedy writer Joe Janes on Truthful Memorialization

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Comic Joe Janes

Truthful memorialization means talking about Mom stoically eating Joe’s tofurkey. Or Mom openly guzzling “horrible things” like caffeine-free diet coke in front of her vegan son. How Joe honors these mischievous moments and more when memory artist Nancy Gershman talks with Joe Janes, a Chicago-based Emmy award-winning comedy writer. Joe teaches comedy writing at The Second City and Columbia College and offers an improvisational writing workshop, “3 Plays. 3 Days. An Intense Writing Intensive.” Joe writes regularly for WNEP Theater and Robot vs. Dinosaur. Visit Joe on his website, joejanes.blogspot.com. Cracking up at a funeral is good for you  How to pick a person to sit with the dying […]

Death of a Parent

The Eulogy as Love Letter

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

When we think of the kindest things we can do for a parent whose time on earth is coming to an end, I wonder how many of people think of a love letter that will serve as the eulogy. It is not easy to watch a parent weaken, and in the world of what to do to bring joy and peace of mind, we often think of physical comfort and pleasure. For me, a love letter is the best answer. A love letter, of course, is one that focuses on someone’s finest qualities, the happiest memories and the valuable lessons […]

Death of a Spouse

Husband’s Valentines Stir Warm Memories

Friday, February 15, 2013

It’s one of those rare overcast days in Colorado and I’m working in my home office with nice music playing. I’ve been thinking about Valentine’s Day, realizing it will be here soon. On my walk today, I was remembering when I was a little girl and how I loved every single Valentine I received and truly believed each message was written just for me. As an elementary teacher, I saw young faces light up and smiles appear as each child would pore over every word of each valentine. They were probably thinking just what I used to think. “This was […]

Death of a Spouse

Maintaining Friendships After a Spouse-Loss

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately and how they change and I know that’s also on the minds of many of my widow(er) friends out there.  I guess it’s that time of year…when friends and family seem to get together more than usual, so friendships and how they change are pretty much “in your face” right now. This is something I’ve wanted to write for a long time, but I wanted to write it very carefully.  I don’t ever want to come across as someone who doesn’t understand or who dismisses how hard widowhood can be.  Believe me…I’m […]

Death of a Parent

My Teddy Bear Dad

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Growing up, I was a little afraid of my dad. He had a bark that was loud and, I thought, fearsome. But as I grew older, I came to realize that he was just a big olʼ teddy bear inside. Twelve years ago, Dadʼs passing inspired me to start a company called Carrie Bears. My mom, in her grief, had said, “What do I do with all his clothes?” I started by making teddy bears–Carrie Bears–out of his clothes for my siblings. And that is where it all began. As Fatherʼs Day approaches, I think of my dad and the […]