Death of a Sibling, Special Topics, Your Grief

To Lose a Twin

Tuesday, March 4, 2025

To Lose a Twin I was taken captive by life and death at the age of twenty-one. My identical twin sister Paula and I faced life together for twenty-one years. We never imagined life without the other. As twins, we had an unspoken pact to care for one another. When she died suddenly in a small plane crash, I questioned who I was in the world without her. Could I even function in life without my twin? Our losses are as unique and personal as our love. All bereavement experiences are different. For me, grieving for my sister came many […]

Complicated Grief

Multiple Losses Can Increase Isolation

Tuesday, August 20, 2024

Multiple Losses Can Increase Isolation “We don’t see many people these days,” my husband commented. “I know,” I answered. “It’s because of our multiple losses.” After our twin grandchildren lost their parents in separate car crashes in 2007 we became their legal guardians and conservators — roles that required tremendous time and documentation. Then two more family members died. Grieving for four loved ones while raising grandchildren is the hardest thing we have ever done. Coming to terms with one death is hard, but coming to terms with four is much harder. According to Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, Director of […]

Death of a Sibling

Sharing the Experience of being a ‘Twinless Twin’

Tuesday, October 10, 2023

Being a Twinless Twin As a twinless twin, the emotions I felt were mirrored in other twinless twins I met.  Just listening, for the first time, to other twins tell their story of loss and what it meant for them to lose their twin had an impact I will never forget. It was a huge gift in my life. It has been my personal experience that twin-loss was echoed in my other losses.  As I experienced the death of my mother, I longed for my twin Paula and what we shared.  It always came back to an unfinished grief, one I […]

Death of a Parent, Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope

How to Survive a Memorial Service by Eating All the Cookies

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

Dad Helped Plan His Memorial Service We had a memorial service for my dad. He helped plan the shindig. He picked the songs for the video slideshow, asked me to speak, and requested that his older sister, Kathy, co-lead the service. Dad requested that his grandsons play music. And he did not want a viewing. He wanted to be cremated. He had a hand in the whole thing. It was one of the strange gifts of cancer, the time to talk about the ending. Honestly, I’m sad that he wasn’t able to attend. I think he would have had a […]

Open to Hope

Turning Less Into More

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Well, that was unexpected. It seems, even when dozens and dozens of years have passed, grief, and what triggers it, can still surprise me. I’m writing this on Mother’s Day. I’ve been motherless since I was seventeen years old. It was a quiet day today in my neighborhood. As I stood in silence, watering some succulents that seemed a little thirsty, two women walked by, each carrying a single rose and holding hands with a boy and a girl. “Ah, a Happy Mother’s Day must be in order here for both of you,” I said. I like to engage with […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

At Thanksgiving, Say Their Names

Friday, November 25, 2016

This article was first published on Open to Hope in 2010. Thursday will be the 21st Thanksgiving I’ve lived through following the death of my 18-month-old daughter Erin in 1990.  The 12th since my wife Trici died in 1999 and the 6th since my 13-year-old son Rory died in 2005. One thing I know for sure is that I can’t expect anyone to mention the name(s) of the people I love who have died.  Expecting someone to say their names only brings me disappointment and pain because there is a good chance that the day will pass with no one […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

What Bereaved Families Can Expect – Interview with Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART What Bereaved Families Can Expect As Time Goes On Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley With guest: Harriet Sarnoff Schiff June 16, 2005 Today I am much honored to have as my special guest international grief expert and author Harriet Sarnoff Schiff. Harriet Sarnoff Schiff is the author of two classic works on grieving, The Bereaved Parent and Living with Mourning. Her third book, How Did I Become my Parent’s Parent addresses the challenges of caring for elderly parents. Harriet is a licensed clinical social worker and former reporter for the Detroit News. She’s lectured throughout the United […]

Other Losses, Your Grief

Even mass tragedy should be personal

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

In recent months I’ve watched tragedy unfold far away from me, in places like Norway and Japan, and very close to me in my home state of Alabama. As I watched the loss of life, I revisited my own personal loss and the way I view the loss of people I don’t even know. I feel great empathy for the people that are dealing with the loss of loved ones in the wake of the attack on Norway, the tsunami in Japan and the tragic loss of life during the April 27 tornado outbreak that killed many near my home. […]

Open to Hope

Boarders Without Borders: How New Events Trigger Old Grief

Monday, May 30, 2011

Have you ever had an unseen boarder that caused emotional turmoil, penetrating all of your carefully closeted borders and refusing to leave? Only recently did I recognize unresolved grief as an emotional boarder that relentlessly hung on for too many years.  Now that I am nearing life’s sunset, some of my daily patterns have begun to be more clearly understood. It wasn’t until my Aunt Stella died that the grief I felt from losing my mother had never really been resolved. Mother had passed away three months before Aunt Stella’s death, having fought a courageous battle against a rare form of […]

Open to Hope

After Hospice Experience, Woman Volunteers

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I had been thinking about becoming a hospice volunteer for a while.  It would come to me as a passing thought every now and then. I would consider it for a bit and then put aside.  Little did I know just how soon and how clearly my indecision would be reconciled. Our local hospice house is on the outskirts of town on what used to be a farm place.  There is a windmill and a few trees but farm fields mostly surround the house.  It looks like a home – not a place of death.  I had tour a shortly […]