Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Father Pens 30th Birthday Message to Deceased Son

Saturday, March 8, 2025

Message to Deceased Son My son, Michael, was born 30 years ago today.  It would have been amazing to see what he would have looked like.   I often dream about what he would be doing with his life.  Married?  Kids?  Or…  still living at home?!? Well, he is still at home.  His stocking is on my fireplace at Christmas.  His picture is on the mantle and in my home office.  Michael is also at work, in my wallet, and on the internet.  His rap CD, just recently created from old cassette tapes,  is being heard by others for the first […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Widow Wonders Whether New Partner is Stuck in Grief

Wednesday, February 26, 2025

Is My New Partner Stuck in Grief? Question from reader: I am currently dating a widower who feels the need to publish a picture of his ex-wife in the local newspaper twice a year, on her birthday and date of death.  He has been doing this for five years.  We have been dating for four-and-a half-years.  My husband died suddenly of a heart attack just a month after my companion’s wife died following a two-year battle with colon cancer.  At this point, I’m not sure how I am tolerating these very public displays of grief. Would you be willing to […]

Death of a Sibling, Special Topics

Death of a Sister: ‘Part of My Soul Has Left Me’

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Death of a Sister I walk to your grave alone, in the cold demise of Fall.  It seems so much colder here without the comfort of knowing that you will be here to protect me in this life as you have so well.  The sky is white and endless.  The sun has been cloaked by the cryptic fog.  The leafless trees sway back and forth with the algid wind.  The ground is damp and dreary.  The world never seemed to be such a strong representation of death before you left me here, all alone. Oh, my elder sister, why have […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Getting Through Halloween after Child’s Death

Wednesday, October 30, 2024

Getting Through Halloween after Child’s Death On the evening I type this, the nip in the October air is a reminder that the major holidays are just around the corner. Halloween decorations have been in the stores since July and Christmas décor even as early as August. For those of us who are bereaved parents, siblings and/or grandparents this means the sooner they are “in our face” the longer we have the constant reminders that we will be facing the holidays without our child. Whether it is your first Halloween following your child’s death or years down the road, such […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Grieving Through the Holidays

Thursday, October 24, 2024

Grieving Through the Holidays I know I’m not the only one who is feeling the effects of the season. Grieving during “normal” times is a full-time job.  Throw in 2 or 3 holidays back-to-back and whatever milestones we might have in the middle…well…we’re all working on nervous breakdowns of epic proportions. I think one of the cruelest things about the holidays (and this may just be me) is that we’re dealing with something we used to look forward to so much. And it’s turned into something we can barely get through. My first Christmas without my husband was definitely the hardest.  […]

Death of a Child

New Normal After a Son’s Suicide

Sunday, October 13, 2024

New Normal After a Son’s Suicide Five years after my son’s suicide, I stood at my picture window and smiled at the snowbirds that hovered around the feeder. They spit fluff from the seeds and it floated down, scattering hulls on the ground. A flit of wings and a brown sparrow darted along the grass. After the snowbirds left, I became surprised the sparrow didn’t fly to the food. It continued to eat what fell from the other birds’ beaks. I pitied the feathered creature. It had failed to see there was now room to eat from the bird feeder. […]

Death of a Child

New Normal for Mom after Death of Adult Son

Saturday, August 17, 2024

New Normal for Mom after Death of Adult Son There was no rain, just some dark misty clouds.  There in the sky was a beautiful rainbow.  We were traveling home from the hospital after our son Lucas died, and saw the rainbow come from nowhere.  It stayed with us 10 minutes or so, and I knew deep within me that God had sent that sight for me, to give me some sort of peace or hope for the future. It has been over a year since we beheld that gorgeous sight, and every time I see a rainbow, I am […]

Death of a Spouse

After Husband’s Death, Dreams Must be Reinvented

Sunday, April 14, 2024

Dreams Die with Your Spouse One of the hardest struggles I’ve found about widowhood is that the life you had before pretty much dies with your spouse. Well, at least mine did.  The hopes, dreams and plans that we made as a couple were buried with my husband. Every morsel of my being was changed because he is no longer here for me to love or be loved by him. At first, his vacancy left the obvious holes; no more him, no more seeing, smelling, holding, or sharing with him.  As time passed, more holes appeared: no one to help […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

Do We Ever ‘Get Over’ the Death of a Child?

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Getting Over a Child-Loss There was a time when I believed that people should “get over” their grief by the 12th month following a loss. After all, isn’t that what our society believes to be true? In the summer of 1976, I was employed by a doctor in a medical office building. There were several other offices on our floor, and at noon time, I would meet with some of the other doctors’ employees for lunch. One woman, whom we called Gracie, had lost her 16-year-old son two years prior in a drowning accident. Each day at lunch break, Gracie […]

Death of a Sibling

Twins: Connected in Life and Death

Friday, March 8, 2024

Twins: Connected in Life and Death As a twin myself, the death of actor and identical twin Jon Hager was especially fascinating. Jon and Jim Hager co-starred in the old TV show, “Hee-Haw,” back in the 1970s. Jim died of a heart attack last year at just 66 years of age; Jon died at 67 on Jan. 9. It had been reported that Jon was depressed after his brother’s death; the cause of Jon’s death has not yet been determined. These nearly back-to-back deaths don’t surprise me. When the twin bond is broken, it leaves a bereft and broken twin. […]