Bereavement

Writing Your Grief Can Create New Life

Saturday, May 1, 2021

Deb Kosmer, a bereaved parent, author, poet, health care professional, and blogger, entered a post on Facebook about the practice of writing through grief. She said letters make words, words make sentences, sentences make pages, pages make chapters, and chapters make books. I think one more line is needed: “Words create a new life.” Experience made me add this line. Four family members died in 2007, including my daughter, the mother of my twin grandchildren. Each loss was painful, but my daughter’s death was the most painful. I didn’t think I would survive. Turning to Writing Because I’m a writer, […]

Death of a Sibling

Sister Unloads Grief Years After Brother’s Suicide

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I was a sweet, blue-eyed seven-year-old girl watching The Parent Trap while my big brother was babysitting. He got me a cup of water after asking if there was anything I needed. Little did I know my answer should have been, “I need my big brother.” Only minutes later I heard a heart-stopping, deafening boom. I sat there, frozen. What was that? My blonde hair on the back of my neck was standing up, and my ears were ringing. The terrifying noise was the gun my brother used to take his own life. Thirteen years later, that emotionally scarred little […]

Open to Hope, Your Grief

My Heart and Me: A Poem

Thursday, July 25, 2013

My heart and me Is all I need to be complete; I could try to stand But can’t Unless I know it’s for my heart and me. I couldn’t see With just me So I made sure I still had my heart To come along with me. My heart would have worn away long ago From the exhaustion of being on my sleeve But for me—it kept beating And for my heart—I kept breathing We were meant to be, My heart and me. And I can’t love without thee, My heart And my heart can’t circulate blood Without me It […]

Open to Hope, Your Grief

Someday: A Poem

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I may have lost myself somewhere along the way But I’ll be back when the dawn breaks…someday. Along my journey I walked into too many caves And the darkness made me want my home And to come back someday. There were dragons to slay Horrific dragons—I was afraid But I slayed them And loudly whispered amens After praying to guide me back…someday. I witnessed a hungry lion And I fed him with guilt But the innocence inside of me Made me want to redeem myself someday. As I wandered astray I slowly found myself And wearily asked the Lord for […]

Other Losses, Your Grief

Poem: The Thief

Monday, July 8, 2013

The night was cold, the fire burning old And the shepherd couldn’t take his eyes off his flock His stare was dry, life the air of the night And his head he was able to move, could not. He was aware of the dangers Of the night’s freezing strangers So he had extra help, his fire Little did he know, he was starting to doze But he had to stay awake, for he was required. He was freezing and shaking But a howl was an awakening Of someone in the night he should have caught The thief had gathered all […]

Death of a Child

Could Writing Help the Boston Survivors?

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The bombings in Boston have left me in tears. Every time I hear the news, see the photos of those who died or were wounded, I want to curl up and block it all out. It is much the way I felt after my son took his life in 1999. These kinds of tragedies bring all those sad feelings back. I also want to find a way to help. In my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On, I told how I survived through writing. It is my belief that everyone who has experienced such a tragedy – and I suspect […]

Death of a Child, Death of a Parent, Your Grief

Finding Your ‘Essential Self’ after a Loss or Life-Changing Event

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Yesterday, I finished reading “Finding Your Own North Star” by therapist Martha Beck, PhD. I bought the book because it looked empowering and this proved to be true. In fact, the entire book is about personal empowerment and building a new life after a “cataclysmic event.” During this time we are stressed and have to let go. If you identified yourself with your job and lose it, Beck explains, your identity shifts. According to Beck, each person’s essential self is determined before birth. As she writes, “You are designed with the ability to find the life you were meant to […]

Death of a Child, Your Grief

Your Spiritual Path to Grief Healing

Friday, September 7, 2012

Though grief has common symptoms, each person’s grief is unique. Your grief isn’t quite the same as mine, and each of us must find our way. In 2007, after losing my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, I was overcome with grief, so overcome I could hardly function. But my husband and I were our twin grandchildren’s guardians and we didn’t have time to waste. Two vulnerable teenagers were depending on us. At the time, I didn’t have a grief recovery plan, yet my subconscious was working on it. Each day, I set aside some time for reflection. And I […]

Death of a Child, Your Grief

After Son’s Death, Mom Creates Room of Her Own

Monday, June 11, 2012

Early on in my grieving process, I felt that my house was my safest place, and I couldn’t wait to get back to it after being out in crowds. Other times I wanted to run away because of all the memories. In fact we almost moved to get away from the reminders. Now I’m glad we did not. Memories and reminders of what might have been are everywhere, not just in our home. Instead I, like Virginia Woolf, created a room of my own in the house where our sons grew up. Six years after our son Paul died, I […]