The words sympathy and empathy are often used interchangeably, and yet they are distinct expressions.
In times of death, it’s customary to extend sympathy by sharing our sorrow for what’s happened. Sympathy cards are usually synonymous with condolence messages. When extending sympathy, we’re expressing concern for another’s feelings. Cards, notes, phone calls, e-mails, meals, and offers of assistance are all expressions of sympathy.
But you don’t offer empathy, you feel it. Empathy is the act of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s trying to imagine, “How would I feel if this happened to me?” And it’s the ability to act on those feelings. When being empathetic, we extend our concern by offering compassion so the bereaved feels validated; that someone has a sense of what has happened and how they might be feeling.
I think it’s easier to extend sympathy. We all know to attend the funeral, participate in mourning rites, send a card, make a donation, and keep in touch. Empathy is harder; it’s taking the time to think carefully while trying to understand how you might feel if this happened to you and what might bring you comfort.
Listening is a good example of empathy and we all know how difficult it is to do. Listening requires us to pay close attention to hear what someone has to say, without speaking or adding our personal thoughts or feelings. It takes patience to hear the same story over and over again but it is an empathetic and meaningful thing to do.
It is often through personal stories that we can discern the differences between sympathy and empathy. One mother shared that at her child’s funeral, she sat all by herself with her surviving child; everyone else sat behind her. If someone had taken a seat next to her, that would have been empathetic. Another shared that she had to make all the arrangements for her father’s funeral and reception by herself. Relatives weren’t happy with what she planned and complained to her at a time of painful loss. Empathetic folks would have helped, and those that couldn’t would have accepted what she was capable of doing and extended comfort.
We’ll all experience loss – would you prefer someone extend you sympathy or empathy?
Tags: belongings, funerals, money, grief, hope
Dear Robbie,
Thank your for that clarification. I really had never thought about that before. After reading and re reading what you wrote I know I will show more empathy for those people that grieve. I have received a huge amount of sympathy but very little empathy. I do understand why though. My sister was murdered in her home just 5 months ago. No arrests have been made. She was stabbed in the heart. She was a wonderful woman, an elementary school teacher. The shock and disbelief is still with me as well as sadness and some anger. For people to try to imagine what I am going through is painful. I could have never imagined my beautiful sister being murdered. never, until it happened. I do have a few clothes friends that listen, really listen so that helps me immensely.
Thank you again for the enlightenment.
Shirley