When we lose a loved one we are confronted with a life-changing event that forces us to accept that our lives will never be the same again. As a grief counselor, and someone who has experienced my own profound losses, I have read all the textbooks and witnessed the common stages of denial, anger and guilt, bargaining, depression, and the slow journey to true acceptance.
Anyone who has lost someone knows there is no other experience in life like losing a loved one. And at a time of volatile emotions, it is easy to be hurt and angered by those who do not understand what you are going through. However, there is another perspective to consider when experiencing these feelings; one that can bring you peace and healing.
Instead of directing anger at those around you who are trying to help but saying all the wrong things; or even those friends who have faded from our lives altogether simply because they do not know what to say, direct your anger where it can help you. It is okay to be angry that loved ones are suddenly gone and never coming back. And it’s okay to be angry that you are left to pick up the shattered remnants of remnants of your life, then expected to somehow magically piece them back together and move forward. However, directing anger at people around you will not help you. Instead, consider telling these people in person or in writing how you feel and what they can do to support you, then move on. This will allow you to direct your energy where it belongs – on your situation. And this in turn will help you to focus on working through your feelings and seeking the answers that will help you to cope and understand what your loss means to your life, which will lead you to a path of healing.
You may be feeling anger that you are soon expected to smile again, and to heal from something you can not imagine ever recovering from. And yet, we can truly be thankful for every single moment we had with our loved ones and reaffirm to ourselves that most of us would do it all again, even knowing the outcome. Renowned grief coach Aurora Winter (http://www.aurorawinter.com), says that this revelation was a turning point in her own healing, following the loss of her young husband.
There truly is a spiritual gift to be found within the insurmountable pain of loss, although it is a gift that is often difficult to accept. Consider that love has no boundaries in life or beyond, and we can never fully measure the depths of the bonds of love, unless we know what it is to lose it. And when we look beyond the confines of this life, we realize that life is temporal, and so is the pain that it brings. However love stays with us forever.
(by John Pete from book: Open to Hope: Inspirational Stories of Healing After Loss )
John Pete, GC-C
Founder: Grief Streets
https://www.Facebook.com/groups/griefstreets
