The Gift of Becoming a Grandmother

In June, my youngest grandchild, Madelyn, named for my beloved sister Margie, turned one. Our family gathered to celebrated Madelyn’s first birthday. I am grateful to be “Nini” to three grandchildren–Benji, named for my father will be five in July, and Jake is eighteen months, and Madelyn, one. As I sat in the enclosed playpen area with Madelyn, Benji and Jake beaming watching the new innocent lives, broad smiles, the unconditional love.

The seesaw of emotions from the devastating heartbreak of losing two sisters, my anchors, my foundation, the darkness, and now the lightness, the spark, and laughter I shared with my sisters, Margie and Jane.

I am decades into my grief, and at age sixty-seven, I hope wiser not only in grief, but in life experiences.

Watching the Siblings

I felt a pang in my heart missing Margie and Jane and wanting to share this time with me, looking at my daughters knowing how lucky they are to have each other, and for the cousins to be together playing, smiling, their little hands taking toys from one another, tapping each other’s heads, exploring.

So many individuals will not experience being a grandparent, and I know how lucky I am. I am respectful of those individuals and am not a bragging grandmother who talks incessantly or who pops out pictures nor posts photos of my grandchildren. On the flip side, I do not shut individuals down when they talk constantly about their siblings.

Grandchildren Stir Up Emotions

Each birth of each grandchild bubbled up many emotions. After Benji’s birth, I returned to ice skating after eight days which is a long period for an adult skater. I stepped onto the ice, and my legs shook, and I cried. The ice is my passion, joy and meditation, and on that day, I had to exit the ice. When I calmed down, I realized I experienced the same feeling when my sister Jane died, and I returned to work for the first time. The death of my sister Jane changed me, the birth of my first grandchild changed me. With Jane, the deep sadness, with Benji the deep joy, and both the deep love.

Jake arrived five weeks early and spent five weeks in the NICU. Our entire family gathered for Jake’s postponed Bris (the Jewish circumcision ceremony) which was beautiful. For the two days following I cried. After decades of not allowing myself to grieve, I let myself feel. I missed Margie and Jane, and wished they were present and beside me.

My daughter had a difficult birth, and we knew she was having a girl. All we wanted was for her and the baby to be healthy. When she and her husband told me the name and for my sister Margie, the floodgates came. Margie’s legacy would live on, not being remembered for her illness. I was so touched. My daughter Janie is name for my sister Jane.

I am grateful to have Benji, Jake and Madelyn in my life and fortunate to see them regularly. When I look at them, I see pieces of Margie and Jane, and their “Nini” will share stories with them.

My gift to them is time, sharing memories like I remember with my grandmother, playing, laughter, baking. My time with them is precious memories imprinted in my heart.

Read more from Judy Lipson on Open to Hope: https://www.opentohope.com/selecting-songs-…honor-loved-ones/

Purchase Judy Lipson’s book at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608082679/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0